Cameron Diaz Arrested for Drunk Driving!
LOS ANGELES (AP) LAPD officers arrested movie star Cameron Diaz early this morning and charged the actress with drunk driving, public intoxication, vegetarianism, lewdness, resisting bodily search, attempt to bribe a law officer, and excessive smilin...
Read full storyChristian Conservatives Want Barney's Genitalia
Christian Conservative gangs in the US are marching the streets armed with machetes and automatic weapons in search of SpongeBob SquarePants, Barney, and other suspected homosexual characters.
Read full storyCondoleezza Rice Quits
Condoleezza Rice has withdrawn her nomination for Secretary of State, accepting responsibility for her failure to prevent 9/11. Due to a misguided focus on Russia, as the number one threat against the United States and fighting the cold war instead.
Read full storyConservative Christians' Answer to SpongeBob Takes No Prisoners
LOS ANGELES, CA --- Fed up with the mainstream media's promoting homosexuality among young children, conservative Christians have come up with their own children's cartoon hero: Elijah BiblePants. Gay characters, such as SpongeBob Squarepants, Bob th...
Read full storyPepper Spray Ineffective on Cajun, Mexican, Indian Protesters
Police in Washington, DC are scrambling to find more potent crowd control methods after an incident at the presidential inaugural parade proved pepper spray to be useless on certain ethnic groups.
Read full storyPresident Bush Suspects Bias in Satirical Press
WASHINGTON - During a break in the dancing at last night's Executioner's Ball, President George W. Bush told a group of Texas supporters he was beginning to suspect "a definite left-wing bias" in the way his administration is covered by the satirical...
Read full storyBush devastated as "Idol" Judges Blast Inaugural Adress
WASHINGTON, DC --- His face awash in tears, George W. Bush this morning tendered his immediate resignation. He then hastily packed his suitcase and boarded the first flight to Kennebunkport, Maine. As the sole reason for his departure from office, th...
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