GW Bush Smokes Armstrong on Bike Ride
Crawford, TX -- George W. Bush "smoked" Lance Armstrong on a mountain bike ride around his Crawford, Texas ranch, according to Press Secretary Scott McClellan. Riding without his Discovery Channel teammates, Armstrong was repeatedly haras...
Read full storyMassive Stench Eminating from Unknown Source
Countries around the world have been reporting an eye-tearing, gut wrenching, vomitous Stench coming from somewhere; experts, however, so far, have been unable to identify the source. Reginald Hachenbauer of the University of California at Merced, pr...
Read full storyBTK Killer BTK's himself
(CNN) - Prison officials made a gruesome discovery today when they found notorious BTK killer Dennis Rader in a blood soaked cell hanging upside down swinging from the rafters with all limbs severed and half of his partially exploded skull in the toi...
Read full storyBritish Airways pilot flippantly tells passengers they'll probably die
London. England. A BA pilot was at the centre of yet another scandal yesterday after his terrifying message to the passengers was recorded and leaked to the press. The scandal comes in the wake of two plane crashes in the space of three days - o...
Read full storyGreater Government Through Acronyms
HARVARD (UPI)-Prominent political scholars have combined numerous empirical studies in a treatise delivered today in conjunction with the graduation of the Class of 2005 at the premier Law School of our land and the world. Quite simply, the publicati...
Read full storyScan THIS: New Tattoo Identity System on the Way
WASHINGTON, DC-Removing clothing, pat-downs and body cavity searches at airports across the nation will soon become a thing of the past. A new procedure will replace the antiquated airport screening process when recently passed legislation is enacted...
Read full storyBritish Scientists Create Tiny Republican Brains
EDINBURGH (Reuters)--Scientists at the Universities of Edinburgh and Milan have reportedly made the world's first Republican brains from pure nerve stem cells derived from embryonic cell lines. Researchers told the BBC they hope the newly-created...
Read full storyGeorge W. Bush to Cindy Sheehan: 'Bring it On!'
CRAWFORD, TX -- With all the bravado of an Ivy Leaguer crossdressed as a cowboy, President George W. Bush had a few words to say to Cindy Sheehan.
Read full storyOregon Legalizes Meth, Puts Sudafed behind the Counter
Portland - Oregon today passed legislation which outlaws the possession or sale of pseudoephedrin based cold medicines while legalizing crystal meth. Said Governor Kulongoski, "It's not the drugs themselves that are the problem, it's t...
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