A strange substance found underground in a heretofore unknown place called Oscoda
GRANTVILLE, Pa. -- I love scientists. These are people who devote their lives to the tiny things that usually become monstrously large things in all of our lives. Scientists are devoted, dedicated, destined for greatness, dolled up for dinner and delicately deliberate in their discoveries. So imagine how excited I was when I learned that scientists revealed that they have identified a micro...
Read full storyMatt Drudge Wins Pulitzer Prize!
NEW YORK (AP) The Pulitzer Organization announced this morning that Matt Drudge would be the recipient of the 2004 Pulitzer Prize for Explanatory Reporting. Mr. Drudge received the Pulitzer Prize for his clear, concise and comprehensive stories that...
Read full storyCar Washing Surpasses Sex as Favorite Activity in Suburbia
Recently collected data confirm that weekend car washing by spouses has surpassed sex as the most frequent, and the most enjoyable, activity in suburbia, with lawn mowing, leaf blowing, and powerwashing tied for third place. Tied for fourth place wer...
Read full storyL.L. Bean Now Knows Your Order Before You Verbalize It
In an effort to add increased value to its already well-regarded customer service, the Freeport, Maine-based retailer L.L. Bean can now determine a customer's order before the customer gives the item number.
Read full storyLakers Suffer Emotional Collapse
ESPN, June 14, 2004. Game 5 of the NBA Championships, scheduled for Tuesday night, has been indefinitely postponed. The LA Lakers, unable to play, have been bussed to an undisclosed location where they are being treated for Emotional Discomb...
Read full storyJoan Collins deported to Afghanistan
In the aftermath of the Euro 2004 elections, the UKIP has announced that it is to establish links with Ian Paisley's DUP, which topped the poll in Northern Ireland. We understand that the UKIP has agreed to renegotiate the Good Friday Agreement...
Read full storyElectrolux Recalls 3.2 Million Vacuum Cleaners
Electrolux Group announced last week a recall of all canister vacuum cleaners made by the company since 1949. The worldwide recall follows several dozen incidents in which small children have been sucked up by the vacuum's strong motor. A Newark,...
Read full storyCroc Hunter in Deep Guano Again
SYDNEY, Australia -- "Crocodile Hunter" Steve Irwin is in deep guano again - this time for allegedly taking indecent liberties with a Humpback Whale in the ocean off Antarctica.
Read full storyZidane crowned on Stone of Destiny
International relations took an unusual turn last night when members of a secret Scottish order invited French striker Zinedine Zidane to be crowned King of Scotland.
Read full storyRoyal Ascot cancelled: foot and mouth outbreak
(Ascot, Berkshire; Monday) Amid scenes of panic and hysteria at the bookies' rails, this year's Royal meeting at Ascot racecourse has been officially cancelled due to a sudden outbreak of foot in mouth disease in the jockeys' weighing ro...
Read full story"Dolphins Use Clam Shell Internet", Claims Biologist
Marine biologist Douglas Denver, claims that after conducting a secretive underwater study, he's seen proof that dolphins have a sophisticated underwater communication network using discarded fishing nets and clamshells.
Read full storyRogue Angel Found Working in Medical Clinic
An angel (pictured) has been found working in a medical clinic in Houndsworth, England. Staff at the centre became suspicious when their patients' health suddenly began to improve drastically, and when the angel, who had been using the name Thomas Mc...
Read full story"Space Turned Me Black," Claims Armstrong
American astronaut Neil Armstrong has today revealed that pressure aboard his famed moon landing spacecraft has caused his skin to turn black. In a statement released today he claimed; "We weren't ready for space travel in the sixties, but Kennedy fo...
Read full storyColin Powell: Not a Happy Camper...Needs New Gear
Secretary of State Colin Powell has characterized himself as "not a happy camper" during comments made regarding the 2003 Terrorism Report debacle. While this reporter has no idea what the Terrorism Report is all about, one can easily understand what...
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