Saturn Cassini Unveiled
Saturn Corporation announced today that the new 2005 Saturn Cassini would go on sale everywhere in the solar system. The American carmaker, having previously limited its car sales to North America, decided to widen the company's sales territory. Harv...
Read full storyNRA Awards Kennedy and Feinstein
The National Rifle Association today attempted to mend fences with long time foe Senator Ted Kennedy of Massachusetts. In an award ceremony, NRA's Wayne LaPierre told the Senator, who is a long time supporter of banning handguns, "We now wis...
Read full storySecond to Last Supper?
Recent archaeological, anthropological, and theological discoveries have shown that a supper may have taken place exactly seven days after the "Last Supper."...
Read full storyKerry to Outlaw Child Smacking
John Kerry has confirmed that any child who receives a smack from their parents may file suit for child abuse. A Kerry camp spokesman said that parents would henceforth be encouraged to buy Dr Phil's : Child Psychology the early Years. It's...
Read full storyOzzfest Ends in Mass Conversion
PASADENA - It's been a tough year for the Prince of Darkness. Ozzy Osbourne, former lead singer for Black Sabbath, leader of his own band for decades, and more recently the star of an MTV reality show, has endured serious misfortunes. He suffer...
Read full storyWooden people to get real legs
Researchers in a small medical facility in Camden Maine announced today they have invented real legs and feet for wooden people.
Read full storyOpus Dei admits masterminding 9/11: Osama "a mercenary"
(Vatican City, Saturday 3rd July) Documents released today under the Catholic Church's Freedom of Disinformation Act confirm that Osama Bin Laden was paid $5 billion from the Pontifical Office's Colombian offshore accounts to mastermind the...
Read full storyMaria Sharapova Finds Tennis Ball
A young woman digging in her yard found a tennis ball. Maria Sharapova has been digging holes on her 700-acre estate hoping to find something of value. "Finding this tennis ball is the best thing I have ever dug up! I'm not quite sure what I...
Read full storyRalph's political Macchiover
Reactionary actor Ralph Macchio, known for his appearances in films such as Popcorn Shrimp and The Secret of Nimh 2: Timmy to the Rescue, was found accompanying a more cleanly shaven and far less toad-like Michael Moore last Sunday at Hi Tide Bar in...
Read full storyMayhem Grips Euro 2004 Soccer Tournament in Portugal!
Unconfirmed Sources report that Euro 2004 organizers have failed soccer fans world wide. In the lead up to the tournament officials apparently forget to tell both Greece and Portugal that they couldn't win. UEFA CEO Lars-Christer Olsson is under...
Read full storyLakers trade Shaq to Kings for entire city of Sacramento
LOS ANGELES--Stunning league observers who expected the Dallas Mavericks to be Diesel's new home, the Los Angeles Lakers have traded Shaquille O'Neal to the Sacramento Kings. In return, the Lakers will receive California's capitol city and a suburb...
Read full storyWhite House Destroyed by Fire!
Washington (AP) Late last evening an eight alarm blaze completely destroyed the entire White House! Fire and rescue teams from all over the District and nearby Virginia suburbs were called to attempt to save the Presidential residence and exec...
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