Voting Meaningless, Says FEC Chairman
Federal Election Commission Chairman Bradley Smith explained to reporters today that an individual vote is effectively meaningless. "Look, there are 300 million Americans out there," Smith said, "You can't be so naive you think YO...
Read full storySpongeBob Squarepants On Atkins Diet
A spokesperson for SpongeBob Squarepants said on Wednesday that the undersea sensation will be using the Atkins Diet to lose some unwanted pounds, in order to broaden his acting horizons. "[Sponge]Bob does not want to be typecast. He wants to...
Read full storyAussie Scientists Use Insect Swarms For Next Generation Of Weapons
Australian scientists are using the collective intelligence found in insect swarms to develop the next generation of high-tech military hardware. Alex Ryan who heads a team from the Defense, Science and Technology Organisation says they are developin...
Read full storyU.S. Softball Team Beats U.S. Men's Basketball Team
ATHENS, GREECE-- The U.S. men's basketball team was delivered another hard blow today when they were beat for a third time. But, with this loss doesn't come elimination from the Olympic games. Why, you may ask. Well, this loss just might...
Read full storyThatcher masterminded African coup fiasco
Johannesburg, Wednesday (Rioters) - Baroness Thatcher had to be resuscitated by MI6 emergency services this morning as she broke down at the news that her son Sir Mark Thatcher had been arrested at his Cape Town home and charged with financing a co...
Read full storyIraqis Find New Jobs in Florida
Some of Saddam Hussein's former police officers are due to start a new life in America -- as Bush Florida campaign workers . When he left Iraq, Paul Bremer is believed to have tapped his "favorite Iraqis" for the task, and arranged for...
Read full storySecret Service Carry Dart Guns -- to Protect the Public!
Officials today refused to confirm or deny reports that the Presidential Protection Detail of the Secret Service have been issued with tranquilizer dart guns in the event of President Bush's suddenly running amok in public.
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