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Harvey arrested for assaulting himself

Pop loser Brian Harvey has been remanded in custody for head butting himself. The former One True Voice bassist, who shot to fame in the nineteen nineties with a string of forgettable hits, is said to be deeply traumatised by the whole experience.

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Big Brother Racist to Play Young Pat Butcher

Funny story: Big Brother Racist to Play Young Pat Butcher

It's not all bad news for big brother racist Jo O'Meara as she is hotly tipped to play actress Pam St Clements in a musical about her life.

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Scotch Gene Identified: A Brave New World Beckons.

Funny story: Scotch Gene Identified: A Brave New World Beckons.

The Scotch could face extinction by the year 2500 as English boffins identify the gene responsible for ginger hair, buck teeth, tightness, transvestism and whinging.

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Noel Edmunds to receive a beating

Funny story: Noel Edmunds to receive a beating

Hard man Seth Bundy has vowed to give Deal or No Deal Presenter Noel Edmunds "a right hiding."...

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Ronan Keaton: latest effort in the war on terror.

Funny story: Ronan Keaton: latest effort in the war on terror.

Tedious pop con artist Ronan Keaton has been revealed as the latest weapon in the war on terror. Keaton's records have been identified as "100% more effective" than the stress position and other forms of torture used to extract informat...

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Prescott and Reid in Scuffle: More bad news for the government.

Funny story: Prescott and Reid in Scuffle: More bad news for the government.

Deputy Prime Minister and ladies man John Prescott is to have a fight with Sycophantic Home Secretary John Reid this afternoon at half past three.

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Ricky Tomlinson expresses shock that British Gas are capitalists.

Funny story: Ricky Tomlinson expresses shock that British Gas are capitalists.

Socialist union antagonist Ricky "Scouse" Tomlinson has revealed he is shocked to learn British Gas is actually a capitalist organisation.

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Matthew Kelly arrested over turtle head food contamination.

Funny story: Matthew Kelly arrested over turtle head food contamination.

Creepy television presenter and wooden actor Matthew Kelly was arrested last night after revealing in his autobiography he once scooped a "turtle head" out of his backside and wiped it on a Big Mac.

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ASDA Shoppers are Scum - It's Official!

Funny story: ASDA Shoppers are Scum - It's Official!

People who regularly shop at ASDA are scum a leading scientist said today, and that's official.

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Blackpool to host 2015 Oven Chip Festival.

Funny story: Blackpool to host 2015 Oven Chip Festival.

Council chiefs were celebrating this morning as it was announced that Blackpool would play host to the 2007 Kwik Save international oven chip Festival. The dismal seaside town saw off Grimsby and Beirut in its bid to put on this prestigious event.

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The Nation Mourns as Michael Parkinson contracts E-Coli.

Funny story: The Nation Mourns as Michael Parkinson contracts E-Coli.

Veteran chat show host Michael Parkinson was last night said to be "bearing up" after contracting the bacterial infection Escherichia coli. Sycophant Parkinson is thought to have picked up the infection from a piece of faecal matter caught...

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Secret Home Office Report: Masturbation rife in Britain's Prisons.

Funny story: Secret Home Office Report: Masturbation rife in Britain's Prisons.

A disturbing new report by the home office has been leaked to the press in which it is revealed that British prisoners are masturbating up to five times a day. This is the latest revelation to rock the home office, described be weasel John Reid last...

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John Leslie to star in Love Island 2007

Funny story: John Leslie to star in Love Island 2007

Ex Blue Peter presenter and predatory sex offender John Leslie is one of several has beens tipped to appear on this year's Love Island.

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