Pop loser Brian Harvey has been remanded in custody for head butting himself. The former One True Voice bassist, who shot to fame in the nineteen nineties with a string of forgettable hits, is said to be deeply traumatised by the whole experience.
It's not all bad news for big brother racist Jo O'Meara as she is hotly tipped to play actress Pam St Clements in a musical about her life.
The Scotch could face extinction by the year 2500 as English boffins identify the gene responsible for ginger hair, buck teeth, tightness, transvestism and whinging.
Hard man Seth Bundy has vowed to give Deal or No Deal Presenter Noel Edmunds "a right hiding."...
Tedious pop con artist Ronan Keaton has been revealed as the latest weapon in the war on terror. Keaton's records have been identified as "100% more effective" than the stress position and other forms of torture used to extract informat...
Deputy Prime Minister and ladies man John Prescott is to have a fight with Sycophantic Home Secretary John Reid this afternoon at half past three.
Socialist union antagonist Ricky "Scouse" Tomlinson has revealed he is shocked to learn British Gas is actually a capitalist organisation.
Creepy television presenter and wooden actor Matthew Kelly was arrested last night after revealing in his autobiography he once scooped a "turtle head" out of his backside and wiped it on a Big Mac.
People who regularly shop at ASDA are scum a leading scientist said today, and that's official.
Council chiefs were celebrating this morning as it was announced that Blackpool would play host to the 2007 Kwik Save international oven chip Festival. The dismal seaside town saw off Grimsby and Beirut in its bid to put on this prestigious event.
Veteran chat show host Michael Parkinson was last night said to be "bearing up" after contracting the bacterial infection Escherichia coli. Sycophant Parkinson is thought to have picked up the infection from a piece of faecal matter caught...
A disturbing new report by the home office has been leaked to the press in which it is revealed that British prisoners are masturbating up to five times a day. This is the latest revelation to rock the home office, described be weasel John Reid last...
Ex Blue Peter presenter and predatory sex offender John Leslie is one of several has beens tipped to appear on this year's Love Island.
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