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Tabloids Admit Rooney Pun Drought

The tabloid press have admitted that they are struggling to come up with new puns based on the name of soccer star Wayne Rooney. For many years, the red tops have substituted the words "you" and "who" with "Roo" such as "Roo don't know what you're...

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Allied Attacks On Syria Delayed

US President, Barrack Obama, and UK Premier, David Cameron, have decided to temporarily postpone an attack on Syria until at least 5.30pm on Saturday. City Allied armed forces WERE on red alert to bomb Assad forces and civilians at 12pm Satur...

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NHS Patients To Be Treated In India

Funny story: NHS Patients To Be Treated In India

Cash strapped NHS trusts have announced plans to outsource patient care to the Indian city of Mumbai Supporters of the plans argue that the level of care afforded to patients will be significantly superior to the UK. Chief Medical Officer, Anna St...

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Budget Airline Set To Charge By Bodyweight

Funny story: Budget Airline Set To Charge By Bodyweight

Budget airlines Flyinair may no longer be considered 'budget' as it is set to outline a new pricing structure. From April 2014, fares will be determined by the weight of the passenger. Dietician, Anna Recksick, agrees with the moves. She argues...

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Animals Outperform Kids As GCSE Results Slump

Education chiefs have been left reeling after a shock slump in GCSE results. When it comes to getting the grades, the female of the species has been consistently more deadly than the male. But for the first time, both boys and girls have been out...

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Holby City In Organ Donor Row

Funny story: Holby City In Organ Donor Row

Telly chiefs have become embroiled in a bitter row over the portrayal of organ donation in a recent episode of flagship drama Holby City. Three complaints were made in a scathing attack on the "recklessness" over the way the difficult subject was...

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Weigh To Go - Government To Tone Down Fat Kids Message

Funny story: Weigh To Go - Government To Tone Down Fat Kids Message

New NHS guidelines for tackling childhood obesity have been unveiled. The measures are to be introduced with immediate effect. It will now be a criminal offence for dieticians to write to parents to advise their child may be "fat", "obese" or a "s...

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Recruitment Drive As Catholic Church Set To Promote Homosexuality

Funny story: Recruitment Drive As Catholic Church Set To Promote Homosexuality

Pope Francis has outlined a raft of measures that are set to rock the very foundations of the Catholic Church - by welcoming gays and lesbians into his flock. If approved, the Church is set to undergo the most radical changes in its history. Some...

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Cameron Immigration Crackdown

Funny story: Cameron Immigration Crackdown

PM David Cameron last night warned of the dangers of unchecked immigration and erosion of the English way of life. Society Speaking at a BNP rally he said "I'm not talking about the Polish plumber that wants to come here, nick our jobs and shaf...

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It's A Lizard!!! - Joy At Prince William and Kate Middleton Royal Baby Birth

Funny story: It's A Lizard!!! - Joy At Prince William and Kate Middleton Royal Baby Birth

The Royal Family was in joyous mood last night as they welcomed a new addition into the world - a bouncing baby lizard. Proud parents the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge confirmed that the male reptoid, delivered at London Zoo, weighed in at a healthy...

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Cameron In Net Porn Bid

Prime Minister David Cameron is set to go head to head with Internet Service Providers (or ISP's) over the display of porn and other graphic images. It is understood he is to tell Google and Bing to make sleaze more accessible as it is in Holland.

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Have-A-Go Granny Foils Robbery Attempt

A have-a-go granny is today recovering after fending off a group of jewellery thieves, armed with only a handbag and weekly Netto shop. The silver sleuth, who does not want to be named, but known locally as GRANBO, after the 80's action hero Rambo...

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Ann Summers Boss Poisoned

A woman has appeared in court, charged with attempting to poison sex toy tycoon Jacqueline Gold. Alison Cox, 33, is charged with contaminating the food of Ms Gold, the Ann Summers founder, with car screen wash. She was initially remanded on ground...

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Egypt Travel: Foreign Office Advice

The Foreign Office has today issued urgent travel advice to holidaymakers planning a trip to riot ravaged parts of Egypt. Foreign Secretary, William Hague, said "The events taking place in Egypt are truly horrific for words. We have taken the unpr...

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Jo Yeates Murder: Man, 32, Arrested

Detectives investigating the murder of 25 year old architect, Jo Yeates, have today arrested a 32 year old man in connection with her disappearance. In a brief press conference, police spoke only to confirm the suspect was local, 32 and a man. How...

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Unhappy Kids Turn To Sex And Alcohol

A new study among 11 to 14 year olds has found that unhappiness at school can lead to an increase in sexual activity and a heavy dependence on alcohol. The survey discovered that 96% of children who described school as 'moderately tedious' went on...

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Downton Abbey And A Very Modern Period Drama

Popular ITV period drama, Downton Abbey, has been lambasted by viewers and critics alike after complaints that some scenes were shot that simply couldn't have happened in 1912. The flagship drama has attracted upwards of 8 million viewers as fans...

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Teens In Booze Ticking Time Bomb

Shocking figures, released by the Daily Mail, have found that 36 under 18's are hospitalized daily as a result of binge drinking. The results were so shocking that they were almost left unreported as fears of sending people into shock was deemed e...

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Breaking news…

BREAKING NEWS!

Man In a Really Dark Place Finally Figures Out How to Use the Flashlight on His Cellphone.
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