ABERDEEN, South Dakota - After dozens of out-of-control in-house fighting skirmishes a faction of the infamous Tea Bag Party has broken off from the main blob and formed a new more forward moving sphincter group called The Diet Tea Bag Party. [EDI...
DEMOCRATIC CAMPAIGN HQ, WASHINGTON D.C. - (ABSNN) -- With the national elections only six months away, and incumbent Democrats facing an angered electorate, members of the Democratic Campaign Headquarters in Washington D.C. proposed a drastic plan to...
Hicksville, USA - "You put him out there, now you reel him in, and fast," said Senator John Bohner (R-Ohio), who surprised everyone with his sudden outrage directed at this young, Strom Thurmond-esque uber conservative known as Rand Paul, "or I'll ma...
Senator Arlen Specter of Pennsylvania, who unwisely bolted the Senate floor for a quick trip to the loo today, may now forever lose his plush Senate seat to Rep. Joe Sestak, who apparently has better bladder control. Mr. Specter, 80, lost his 'di...
You read that right, folks: Sarah Palin is a dumbass. There really is no reason to act shocked, or else surprised, by this "new discovery" as, to quote Bob Dole, "I know it; you know it; the American people know it; the world knows it; the good folks on Mars know it," etc. And I really hate to be so blunt about the situation, I really do. But folks, I am unable to put it any other way.
JEFFERSONVILLE, IN - Tea Partiers today have upped their anti-big government rhetoric today by declaring the Constitution of the United States "unconstitutional." This new stance against the document that they have repeatedly used to reference when...
BOSTON, Massachusetts - Facing a double digit drop in sales, the boiling-mad chief executive of America's predominant tea purveyor has filed a suit aimed at tea party protesters on the grounds of misrepresentation. Craig Lipton said his family sta...
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Washington, D.C. - Tea Party protesters gathered in Washington today to protest Earth Day which they claim is a "Liberul, Commie, Socialist, Marxist, Nazi" plot to destroy America and the Constitution. They carried signs, some of the more prominent being the following: "Eurth Day is Marxist Burth Day" "Globul Warming is a Commie Lie" "Envirunmentulists are taking jobs...
HOLLYWOOD - Sources indicate an October movie release for a documentary on the "amazing, irrefutable, and shocking" similarities between Hitler and the Tea Party protestors. The tag line with the highest focus group rating has been "If a million Hitl...
President Obama gave the country a brief glimpse of the future by dressing as Native American kamikaze Chief Geronimo as he infiltrated a Tax Day tea party in Boston. The event was held on April 15th and sponsored by the growing Tea Party movemen...
Just as the new Star Trek movie breathed life into an old, sad, overdone franchise, so the Tea Party is to the Republican Party. No more older men in bad toupees and corsets. Now there are younger, more attractive versions of your favorite origina...
Washington, DC - The revolution…is in the impound yard. Irony, life's version of baking chocolate, has put the brakes on the Tea Party Express. The giant RV used to carry hordes of angry white people collided with a pedestrian yesterday. Capitol...
Balimmoral, Scotland - "At any rate I'll never go there again!" said Alice as she picked her way through the wood after attending the Mad Hatter's Tea Party. "It's the stupidest tea-party I ever was at in all my life!" Little did Alice know that the...
Mitt Romney showed up the Ron Paul campaign today, with $10 million in donations. The rag tag Ron Paul team planned a "money bomb" which is expected to raise approximately $6 million in one day. Romney bested that by donating his own money.
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