Tea Party Express Hits Woman With No Health Insurance

Funny story written by ESB

Wednesday, 23 September 2009

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The new Tea Party Express

Washington, DC - The revolution…is in the impound yard. Irony, life's version of baking chocolate, has put the brakes on the Tea Party Express.

The giant RV used to carry hordes of angry white people collided with a pedestrian yesterday. Capitol police believe the driver of the RV made an illegal right turn and struck thirty-three year old Cynthia Jackson as she crossed the street. Jackson suffered two broken legs and internal injuries.

Tea Party spokesman Roger Gascon blamed the accident on the government, "the driver thought he could make a right on red. Clearly this is yet another example of the government interfering with every Americans' God given right to do whatever the hell they want - including the right to arbitrarily make up traffic laws."

Jackson, a single mother of two, was on her way to work at the time of the accident. Jackson works full time at a local clothing store. Molly Miller owns "The Daisy Patch" where Jackson works. She said, "I can't afford to buy health insurance for my employees. The monthly premiums are just too high."

Capitol police arrested the driver for reckless endangerment. Police spokesman Terry O'Brien believes the driver wasn't paying attention. "Everyone inside the RV was apparently chanting 'tell the truth.' The driver got so distracted by the noise that he turned without looking," said O'Brien.

The Tea Party Express currently sits in the DC Police impound yard. Gascon thinks the organization will have to sell the RV to pay for Jackson's medical bills. "Oh there's no doubt in my mind the government will stick us with the tab," said Gascon. He added, "I mean when are people going to step up and hold themselves accountable. Look at Tom, he's not complaining or suing."

The person Gascon refers to is Tom Shields. Shields is an ardent supporter of the Tea Party and was on the RV when it struck Jackson. Shields suffered a heart attack but doesn't have insurance. "He's doing the noble thing, the American thing…he's just going to live in pain and eventually die a horrible death," said Gascon.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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