Unable to keep a lid on the secretive and lucrative contract or the development of their newest product, insiders at Apple's marketing department were giddy at the opportunity to feature Ms. Lohan pitching their newest technology, the AnklePod or "AP...
Thanks to a technical glitch in their iPhone sleep alarms, many iPhone users have gotten up late the last few days. Although many of these folks are furious about the troubles this has caused THEM, most of the REST of the world is rejoicing. A...
NEW YORK - Steve Jobs opened his new iChurch in the city of Manhattan on thier Seventh Avenue store. The iChurch is only open for those who own at least two iDevices for at least two years. The church has opened in Apple Stores across the world.
PALO ALTO, CA - Steve Jobs announced that the new iDevice will be on sale for those who truly follow Apple, Inc.. "This device," he said, holding up nothing. "Is only visible, and purchasable for those who believe." Nearly all of the people in the...
Apple Computer Labs have been forced to recall the Counting Sheep App after it was revealed that both modes had problems. The Applelet designed to help insomniacs fall asleep is first charged with sheep, which it then replays to help the potential...
Apple Inc. is expecting. Expecting what? you ask. Why the iPad 2, of course. And rumor has it that the original iPads aren't happy about it at all. They're not quite ready to think about welcoming a new sibling. "What's to become of US?" they...
In the cold weather, Apple have identified another problem with the iPhone4, they are unusable whilst wearing gloves. "It's the capacitance of the screen," said chief technical problem solver Ann Droide. "We have tuned it specifically for the huma...
Apple have today unveiled the new 'Girlfriend App." for the iPhone, claiming that it is "a huge leap forward in our bid to control the minds of every human being on Earth." In a conscious bid to move away from apps. that allow people to have fake lig...
It's official. Apple has announced that the new iPhone 5G, originally due out in June 2011, will make its way to store shelves in time for Christmas. And, the best news of all, you won't need a cellular phone contract to use it. Instead, Apple is...
Following numerous iPod repair claims at thousands of Apple retail locations, reportedly created by trying to force the reverse playing of the Beatles White Album, Apple has just announced an App that will play the famous track backwards to reveal th...
Scoring a musical coup by securing the entire Beatles song catalog, Apple will be releasing individual songs and full album offerings as early as next month, in time for the holiday season. There is a glitch to the functionality when compared to the...
Boffins at Apple today unveiled their latest creation, the Arse-Pad. It is said to be a little like the i-Pad in appearance, but with significantly different capabilities. The Arse-Pad - which is expected to retail at £19.99 - differs from its pre...
Counting on the success of the Apple Store's Genius Bar for answers to technical product questions, insiders tell me that they will soon be expanding the concept to a separate building, serving food and beverages. "It was based on a suggestion sub...
Apple released their latest applelet for the iPhone called iWeigh, and then recalled it within five hours after a barrage of complaints. Once the new applelet is downloaded onto the phone, the resistance of the screen can be used to weigh objects.
NEW JERSEY - Bringing to an end the unprecedented case of Apple v. Smitson, presiding Judge Mark Windleson ruled yesterday that Apple is entitled to half of Andy Smitson's possessions or an equivalent monetary value. Speaking from outside the cour...
They've just stopped trying, customers around the world are saying, after evil corporation Apple, Inc. foisted a gigantic, steaming lump of printed circuitry feces upon the gadget-buying public, implausibly calling it the 4th Generation iPod Touch.
The nation's highest court is about to strike a blow against the distended, bloated liver of evil Apple, Inc. et. al. when it ordered the arrest of Apple, Inc. CEO Darth Jobs for 284,001 counts of vandalism; one for each iPhone, iPod and iPad render...
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