Steve Jobs Charged With Vandalism For Bricking iPhones after Jailbreak

Funny story written by anthonyrosania

Monday, 23 August 2010

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The nation's highest court is about to strike a blow against the distended, bloated liver of evil Apple, Inc. et. al. when it ordered the arrest of Apple, Inc. CEO Darth Jobs for 284,001 counts of vandalism; one for each iPhone, iPod and iPad rendered useless after their owners jailbroke them.

How easy is it to jailbreak an iPhone?

Real easy. A jailbreak like Spirit is one-click. Just sync your iPad to make sure everything on your computer is up-to-date and download the Spirit jailbreak application. Once installed, Spirit supports such non-Apple approved operations as multitasking, playing Flash files, and actually completing a phone call. Yay, hacking!

Apple's policy has been to "brick", or render useless, any Apple product that is found to have its operating system replaced.

"Does anyone else recognize that Apple is f--king nuts," asked Miel Maryana, attorney for a Seaford, Delaware man who is now using his $600 iPad as a Frisbee after it was bricked.

"If you go to Home Depot and buy a hammer, you expect it to be able to drive nails," Miel continued. "If I decide to use the hammer as a butt-plug, Home Depot can't come to my house and cut the handle off, right?"

"How is that any different than bricking a product because Apple doesn't like how you use it?"

Even the Court agreed that Plaintiffs' legal argument is a novel but reasonable.

"Apple goes about enforcing what it believes to be its right by vandalizing a customer's product, rather than suing the customer," said Justice Anthony Kennedy "It is analogous to destroying the car of a person who owes you money."

Apple attorneys state that Mr. Jobs has acclimated well to prison life: "He's getting along famously with the other inmates. He's working out, playing basketball; he's even had two teardrops tattooed to his face. He said it is because of 'the bitches [he] had to shank'. But he's doing well."

"And he even likes prison food, although he did complain about having others toss his salad for him," concluded the lawyer. "I thought that was odd.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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