In a new twist and turn of PM David Cameron's recent visit to India Nick Clegg has paved the way for anybody to come to Britain en masse from India and Pakistan for the price of £1,000 sterling and Chicken Tikka Masala with extra rice. In a spee...
Head girl, Theresa May, has shown naked ambition in setting her sights on the Tory leadership. The 'kitten heeled' babe has gone into Servilan mode and is heading a coup to replace 'flagging' Cameron who is appearing for and more 'battle fatigued'.
British computer hacker Gary McKinnon will not be extradited to the US, Home Secretary Theresa May announced in the House of Commons today. Her decision was greeted by cat calls and expressions of disgust from the opposition benches. Mr McKinnon...
Following literally some consultation the UK Home Office has decided to scrap the Single Non-Emergency Number (SNEN). Introduced in 2006 by the last Labour government, the public, who are notoriously idiotic found it virtually impossible to decide...
Speaking from his 1960's retro-themed council tower block in Titchfield, Hants this evening, local man, Martin Shuttlecock angrily declared that in his opinion, Home Secretary, Theresa May, is "a brain-dead muppet" with no tangible grip on reality, a...
The government has raised the UK's current terrorist threat level to 'severe', meaning a terrorist attack is now thought to be 'highly likely', following an incident at the new Olympic Park in East London this morning after a fox was seen outside the...
London - Sex and other offenders on parole are to be given the option of a new kind of non-surreptitious surveillance tool the Home Secretary announced today. Electronic control pants that combine spandex-reinforced micro-circuit gadgetry with the...
1. Do people ever confuse you with Teresa (no h) May, the 'glamour' model who appeared in the Prodigy music video 'Smack My Bitch Up' 2. Why do so many ships sink on May Day? 3. Do you know where your diary is today? 4. Do you know what day it is today? 5. Do you ever confuse your Diary with your Dairy? 6. Do you know how many units of alcohol you've drunk this week? 7. When David Cameron go...
London - Highly trained psychic worriers have broken through security barriers shielding the Prime Monster according to reports. Late last night a crack NATO special combat squad penetrated microwave barriers protecting David Cameron and his Mrs...
Theresa May has got her days in a muddle in a European Court bid by Abu Guitar over his deportation to Jordan. May claims she has the date of May Day right because it is her birthday. 'Would I get that wrong?' she asked a puzzled House of Commons.
Home Secretary Theresa May, may or may not have got her dates confused over the appeal deadline for terror suspect, Abu Qatada, although independent lawyers insist that Qatada may or may not be deported by May - stating that a monumental cock-up with...
Theresa May has announced that she's sending preacher Abu Qatada back to Jordan. Qatada was deeply distressed by this and said 'No, please don't make me go. Jordan makes me dress in pink hot pants and every night she sings at me until I scream. I wou...
Cabinet minister Theresa May has been pleading poverty again and is using it as an excuse to sell her severely soiled knickers on the internet using the slogan, Theresa's Teasers. In justification for her latest moneymaking venture she complains...
As unholy an alliance as it seems, the above named will actually be appearing in Dorking for six weeks over the Christmas holiday period, in the Dorking Review Theatre's yuletide festive panto production treat, Cinderella. Directed by am-dram impr...
Just in - like a man with a button mushroom penis - the ent and goss rumour mill is insistent that Home Secretary, Theresa May, is to fly out to join Ant and Dec in the jungle as a hurried replacement for allergy challenged, short arsed, pot-bellied,...
Chief Gardener at the prestigious Krewed Gardens, Theresa Maynot, has lost her job because she has not been looking after the Borders at Krewed. Krewde's Director, Cameron David, announced Maynot's removal from her post when it was discovered she...
Theresa May has been found trapped inside a wheelie bin in Westminster, just 24 hours after her Tory Party Conference speech. The meanie Tory says she was dumped in the bin by a six foot Cat. But Cat lovers have said they don't believe this. Th...
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