England managed to beat Spain last night in a sensational fashion, they only touched the ball once in earnest! The free kick that baffled the Spanish defence hit the post and Lamps got his bonce stuck in the way. The Spanish playing their ticka-...
London - Someone in Buckingham Palace has had a strong hunch that the Queen might kick the bucket this weekend just as the England football squad lines up against Spain in a friendly. The premonition has seen players issued with black armbands ahe...
England training will be a little unusual this week as head coach Capello wants them to play a five-a-side mini-tournament against dwarfs! He's called in four five-a-side dwarf teams to make it an eight team tournament. It's thought the defence w...
Sepp Blatter, the German speaking head of FIFA, originally stated that the England National football team could not wear poppies on their football kits during their international match on Saturday. "This has nothing to do with Germany losing the w...
Foreign-owned Premier League clubs who want to scrap relegation should instead avoid employing an English manager if they want to ensure a perpetual presence in the top flight, according to League Managers Association chief Richard Bevan. Severa...
FA Headquarters, Wembley, LONDON: Following the shock decision to 'ave our main striker Wayne 'Roonstone' Rooney, banned for three matches after his alleged lashing out at opposition forces, The FA have been deliberating whether to appeal against th...
England, under Fabio Capello, qualified for the finals of Euro 2012 in Montenegro last night, despite 'talismanic' strike Wayne Rooney's dismissal after 73 minutes. The Manchester Utd Scouse hair transplant victim was sent off for kicking Dzudovic...
Lazarus, better known as Owen Hargreaves, is back and Man Utd boss, Sir Alex Ferguson, eat your heart out. Because he's now playing for their noisy neighbours and main competitors for the title, Man City. Man Utd didn't "kneed" Hargreaves any more...
Wales manager Gary Speed has outlined his determination to bring forward the inevitable embarrassment that awaits the England team at Euro 2012 by 9 months in defeating the Three Lions in this evenings qualifier at Wembley. The former Leeds midfie...
In a pre-match interview with the Shaymen's website, manager of Conference North team Halifax Town, Neil Aspin, has admitted that he would leave Halifax Town at the drop of a hat should he be offered the England job. With Fabio Capello due to step...
Henry De Oeuvre, Chief of Greater Manchester Metropolitan police has issued a stark warning to England football fans. "We have noticed a large number of counterfeit England shirts hitting the market stalls around Manchester," said De Oeuvre. "Havi...
A recent offer by the owner of the No.10 England shirt worn by Geoff Hurst during the '66 World Cup Final of allowing it to be displayed in the tunnel of Wembley in the hope that it will inspire players to perform better as they run out onto the pitc...
Football supporters' clubs have expressed concern about the ease with which fans now switch club allegiances. 'It's changing the face of football,' lamented George "Kicker" Boot, the supporters' club chairman of, bottom of League Two, Stockport Co...
The Football Association's executive board has agreed to abstain in the vote to decide whether or not to continue with Fabio Capello as England manager. FA Chairman David Bernstein explained : "All members of the executive board were unanimous...
Former England coach Steve McClaren has been told that he will not be considered for the vacant managerial position at West Ham because his English language speaking skills are no longer good enough. McClaren was the bookmaker's favourite to repla...
Birmingham City 'keeper Ben Foster has declared himself unavailable indefinitely for international duty to further his club career. The 28 year old has been Joe Hart's England understudy for the last 2 years but has decided that being associated w...
Cicada is not an instruction to the English Football Team, but in fact the name of a small beetle that has been gifted to us to save the human race. Eleventeen totally-undocumented but parallel scientific booze-ups found that the sound emitted by the cicada was a ball-ache, hence the need to kick ardour. <<<Breaking News>>> The police from Iamtheboss, Countyourdays, have...
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