In a bizarre coincidence illness and injuries have stricken Manchester United's next two opponents - Aldershot and Everton. Following their mauling by deadly rivals Manchester City at Old Trafford on Sunday, United are due to travel to Aldershot i...
Sir Alex Ferguson refused to comment today as Manchester United were ruthlessly dismantled by the noisy neighbours at Old Trafford. After a six goal hiding, a Sky Sports assistant knocked on the United dressing room door and asked Sir Alex to come...
A top football expert refused to believe that the Manchester derby ended with City demolishing United 6-1. "Give over. You're having a laugh, aren't you," said EIF News & Features sports editor Thelonious Adidas when he heard the result. "Go o...
Man United's noisy neighbours crashed the party at the Theatre of Dreams today and took over the city for the first time in 43 years. Money talks and City proved to Utd that money plus quality = success, especially in footy and spanked United's bums...
Vincent Kompany, captain of Manchester City, has been awarded with the official title of football's largest head, say F.A chiefs. "We don't mean he's a boaster, or a cocky so-and-so," said Carl Bender, F.A spokesman, "we just mean he has the bigge...
Stalybridge Celtic have set a personal best record by going unbeaten at home for nearly the whole of 2011, and manager Jim Harvey has come forward to explain how such a record was set. "It's quite simply down to the fans at the club," said former...
Altrincham Football Club who ply their trade in the Conference North, two promotions away from the football league, have been discovered attempting to manipulate the Golden Boot to ensure at least one trophy goes to Altrincham this season. "Basica...
Dorking pensioner, and rabid lady football fan, Eloise Bostik, 82,is so looking forward to Sunday's Manchester derby between United and City at Old Trafford, that she's cancelled Sunday dinner and ordered a bottle of sherry from Freshco's on line hom...
The one remaining member of the Carlos Tevez fan club was relieved today. A local Mancunian, Kier Jurabsheahan, who is so besotted with the Argentine striker that he has had his name changed by deed poll to make him sound more like Tevez's long ti...
The latest buzz on the Manchester rumour hotline is that want away striker Carlos Tevez will line up in Manchester City's starting eleven in this weekend's head to head clash with Manchester United at Old Trafford. Insiders say that City have init...
QPR manager Neil Warnock has helped come to the rescue of Adel Taarabt's near-poverty status by recording a song to raise funds for his talented talisman. "I understand living in London on twenty five grand a week can be tough, little wonder Adel...
The rhetoric bullshit in the build up to Sunday's Manchester derby is gradually gathering pace and now Man City have thrown a "red herring" at United in the form of a "secret weapon"! Jaggedone sent his CIA army (Cockroach Infiltration Army) over...
At a recent FIFF meeting (Football Is Finally Finished), Mr Porkypies'n Batter gave a resounding insight into what he thought of people connected with football. "It's quite simple. The whole lot of them are mugs. It has been my total life's ambit...
Foreign-owned Premier League clubs who want to scrap relegation should instead avoid employing an English manager if they want to ensure a perpetual presence in the top flight, according to League Managers Association chief Richard Bevan. Severa...
New research from Glasgow University has shown that football was invented in Scotland, and not, as the history books have it, in Cambridge. "We have documentary evidence that football was being played in Glasgow as far back as 1066," said Scottish...
The climax to Saturday's non-event was no more than the "Little Pea" peeing all the red half of Liverpool off by entering the arena. He then shot in a pea off of his head and proved to all of the world that he is a master-class "Pea-shooter". Up t...
Manchester United full-back Patrice Evra has highlighted his skin colour as being the key factor in the on-field abuse he continually receives from opposition players, rather than his being a reprehensible twat for most of his working day. The Fre...
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