San Ramon - (Crude Mess): A leading US environmental science expert said this weekend that someone has created a 'dodgy dossier' out of his Ecuador pollution report in a deliberate bid to tamper with the evidence. Renowned US biologist Charles W C...
A slow infestation has been discovered that is eating away at the American heartlands. 'Yuppie Sprawl' is a slow, invasive alien mold that is sliming itself across the traditional American landscape. It is a corrosive element in our society known...
THE ENVIRONMENTAL PROTECTION AGENCY (EPA) said today that it will modify its complete ban on beer that was formally proposed on Monday. The EPA now says that beer will only be banned at "outdoor events, where deadly CO2 gases would be released direc...
In a shock move, environmentalists have appointed Osama Bin Laden their new leader, after the fanatical terrorist made comments about how the US is to blame for climate change. Bin Laden said, "All industrial nations, mainly the big ones, are resp...
After a year of struggling with what it means for a corporation to "go green", the Securities and Exchange Commission has finally announced its new "Corporate Green Initiative" in the form of 1500 pages of new regulations. According to SEC Chairman...
With trouble brewing between the Generous Environmentalists Totally Saving All Polar Organisms (GETSAPO) and the National Australian Zoological Institute (NAZI) over a polar bear evacuation project, Al Gore has stepped in with a compromise. 'Even...
With climate guru Al Gore's announcement at the Copenhagen Climate Summit that there would be no Arctic ice within five years, a group of hardy environmentalists put together a crash program to save the polar bears. The Generous Environmentalists...
Checking in at a whopping 280 pounds, former Vice President and present Earth Saver, Al Gore, has left the "Save The Whales" organization to begin a new venture called "Join The Whales". "I've got a glandular condition anyway so it doesn't matter...
It has been announced that protestors are not the only thing the Metropolitan Police are seeking to destroy. Today the UK Metropolitan Police have admitted running the most environmentally unfriendly fleet of vehicles on the planet. With governmen...
Greenprice International has announced a series of layoffs which could cut staff around the world by fifty percent or more. The Amsterdim-based multinational corporation, which assumed political control of the planet's garbage, effluent, and whale...
Climate change campaigners have called for all household pets to be drowned in a new campaign designed to reduce global carbon emissions. The Government-supported campaign, which includes press and television adverts, is sponsored by the Carbon Us...
New York City, New York - At a press conference held today, spokesperson Andy Bitchbum of the activist group Yes Men, admitted that they are a group of losers. "Basically we're spoiled children", he said. "From upper middle class and upper class...
In response to mostly unheard outrage in the environmental sector, the U.S. Congress proposed a method to reduce the nation's carbon footprint by more than 20% in the next 2 years. The plan is ingeniously simple, and has a 100% chance of success i...
The poor British summer has been blamed on global warming. Presses, however, were ready for this and had two stories to run with: "Poor British Summer Caused by Global Warming" and "Great British Summer Caused by Global Warming." So you'd better just roll over and pay your carbon taxes and accept all the Nazi / Soviet style police state controls over every aspect of your life and let the enviro...
Wind generated electricity is here to stay - but rural dwellers have been up in arms about the number of gigantic turbines being erected in their backyards. In an appeal to the European Court of Human Rights, a group of country dwellers have overt...
10 top African ministers are meeting in Ethiopia to discuss climate and environmental issues in, GUESS WHERE, Africa! Most African countries especialy those in Equatorial zones suffer from climate and environmental changes caused mainly by de-fore...
To the Editor of the Los Angeles Times: The other day a nice lady on the radio said "a person could help the environment and save energy by planting an organic garden, raising their own animals and buying only local produce." I wanted to do my part so I took action. I have ripped up my lawn both front and back, to grow my own vegetables. I have additional designer vegetable pots hanging fr...
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