The Curse Of Yuppie Sprawl Is Taking Over Entire Communities

Written by rfreed

Sunday, 28 February 2010

image for The Curse Of Yuppie Sprawl Is Taking Over Entire Communities
A flood- A sure fire yuppie getter-ridder.

A slow infestation has been discovered that is eating away at the American heartlands. 'Yuppie Sprawl' is a slow, invasive alien mold that is sliming itself across the traditional American landscape.

It is a corrosive element in our society known for it destructive qualities on communities and their standard ways of life.

'Yuppie Sprawl', much like the similar blights 'Urban Sprawl' and 'Suburban Sprawl', take over older neighborhoods, city burgs and rural acreage with great voraciousness. It is ruthless in its determination to have control over as much of its environment as possible, fueled by having massive funds at hand and an exaggerated sense of entitlement.

The signs of a sudden infestation are easy to recognize- a sudden in-pouring of cash into the home improvement stores of the area, the abrupt presence of Mercedes, BMW's and Saturn cars, the appearance of many mass built, pretty, but faux Victorian homes, kids soccer games, and the eruption of fern bars and latte joints in the neighborhood.

Yuppie sprawl is an invasive agent springing originally from urban areas where yuppies are bred to be voracious and self seeking and to devour or demolish anything that gets in their path. They have advanced intellects that have been honed in high schools and colleges to seek their own betterment in all things no matter what the price is to the environment in which they adapt themselves. In time the outbreak of yuppieitus will overrun and strangle any traditions, beliefs, and local qualities that have developed in a region over generations.

Yuppie sprawl often first appears in the rundown and lower class neighborhoods where their abundant finances allow them to take over control of parcels of land, homes and apartments and to boot out the less fortunates who originally resided there. Little thought or consideration is given the latter as they are not of the same class as the yuppies and therefore count as nothing but hindrances to the invaders.

The only effective control that can rid an area of these yuppie pests is an environmental disaster that makes their property worthless or is a danger to their health. Events such as oil spills, earthquakes, radiation leaks, tornadoes and hurricanes tend to drive the yuppies out quickly. An unfortunate side effect of this is that it also drives out everyone else too. One sure fire way to rid them is to find their source of income and poison or uproot it. This totally weakens, disorients and discourages the yuppies and they will swiftly flee the area. If one is lucky they will leave a lot of their goodies behind.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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