Geneva, Switzerland - JoJo, a rescued research monkey and former casual labor employee of Sexxxy Sadie's Topless Dance Club in Baltimore, was recently hired as a Junior Physicist to head up one of the operational systems at the Hadron Collider near G...
At today's White House Press Briefing, Press Secretary Robert Gibbs announced that up to 25% of all former detainees at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, subsequently have been found to be engaged in either acts of terrorism in the Middle East or as Taliban inte...
Company has answer to backwards dilemma: What is retirement and why does it have to come at the end of your career and life? Why not retire when you are 21 and able to enjoy your full potential? Work can wait, but your youth and health are on a declining scale. Waiting until you are 65 is like waiting until the expiration date has passed. Milk may still be palatable after its expiry...
"Tories are failing to cut thousands of useless public sector jobs." Quote from English 'daily'. I know so little about politics around the world but with the recent snowfall I have seen and heard about, covering Britain, I don't see why there is a need to cut thousands of public sector jobs. The government should just change the job descriptions, give them all shovels and send these usele...
It has been revealed that the Foreign & Commonwealth Office has spent £120,000 on teaching civil servants to breathe and stand up straight. This is despite having to make cost savings of £300 million in its annual budget. Deputy Under Assistan...
London - (Sieg Heil! Mess): Bossy boots bastards from the British National Party are queueing up to work in the dole office now that new Tory rules allow them to turn the screws on the jobless. At one South London Jobs-Plus office regular Hitler t...
NEW YORK - Experts from across the globe have convened at the United Nations Conference on Poverty in New York City. The research is shocking. The survey, which was carried out in over two hundred countries over two years, has found out that pover...
"Days off for everyone!" - That's the promise given by Prime Minister David Cameron if people buy Prince William and Kate Middleton wedding gifts. Like they don't have enough shit in their house, David Cameron has promised that anyone who buys the...
Hollywood--Emma Watson has been saying a lot of strange things lately, and her latest revelations shows that the young actress didn't have a lot of faith in the Harry Potter brand. "I was doing the first Harry Potter movie, and, sure, I was young...
WASHINGTON D.C., BRUSSELS - The European Space Agency (ESA) and the US NASA have decided that they will extent Earth's orbit by 20 million kilometres, killing several metaphorical birds with one hypothetical stone. A joint venture between the EU a...
Today, Ian 'Clunckhead' Smiff, the man who makes even a retarded Orangutan look three quarters intelligent, announced a whole slew of upcoming Draconian benefit cuts. Having rushed off to the toilet to change his incontinent pad due to the overal...
Workers will be made to pay for the privilege of doing so in what Iain Duncan Smith says is the biggest shake up of working practice since some ill though out law from 1788 was passed to prevent children being employed as chimney sweeps. In a raf...
Washington -- Republicans are making proposals that are sure to kill jobs faster than seen since George Bush's policies left the country bailing out two major car companies and Wall Street. "We want to extend the Bush Tax Cuts, because they will...
In a landmark ruling, an employer has been forced to grant five minute food breaks for his fat employees. "Stubbies", a pencil sharpener manufacturer, based in Chorley, used to only allow smokers to go outside for regular five minute breaks durin...
According to yet another, 'lurid' (aren't they all) Channel 4 'Dispatches' programme, top selling fashion chains have been selling clothes made using low-pay 'slave labour'! Now, as every other poverty stricken, overworked Brit knows, the Governme…
We are all in this together. This is all about fairness. It's a Dad's Army, Heath Robinson, approach that is condemned to create a disaster. It is reported that Eric (cow eating Desperate Dan double)Pickles is actively encouraging whistle blowers...
In its latest crackdown on the workshy, the UK government is planning compulsory 'community work placements', paid at a pound an hour. Under these plans, the long term unemployed, and those deemed to have sabotaged all efforts to find them work,...
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