Royal aides are Googling for 24-hour masonry repair service in Norfolk, after Sorry, Doshless of York, had to be chipped out of a chimney at Sandringham House following a failed bid to regain entrance to the royal circle by dressing as Santa Claus.
Tension coloured the Royal Family's annual gathering at Sandringham today as the burden of entertaining a houseful of relations became too much for the Queen. "As usual," sighed a Lady-in-Waiting," she's tried to do too much. She was up to three...
Hoping to cash in on the rash of royal engagements, Sorry, Doshless of York, has announced she is engaged to Prince Andrew, but perfectly prepared to call it off for the right price. "Well," sighed one friend of the creative Doshless, "I suppose...
In a radical shake-up of the traditional process for selecting the recipients of Knighthoods and other honours, the British public will now be invited to help decide. A telephone vote, much like the polls used by programs such as the X-Factor and St...
There is spreading alarm at Buckingham Palace due to the Queen's head having gone missing. Fears are growing that the noble head may be lost. A Royal Proclamation has been issued in gold lettering: If anyone comes across the Head of t...
A lone, regal silhouette stares from an upstairs window at snow-swept Sandringham, the Norfolk estate where the Royal Family gathers annually for the Christmas holidays. HM the Queen keeps the vigil, dividing her gaze between her Blackberry and a...
Queen Elizabeth's sensational decision to reject her invitation to the Royal Variety Show in order to go underwear shopping with prospective family member Kate Middleton has sent shockwaves through the Royal Family. Her Majesty, spotted in a quie...
HM the Queen is back home at Buckingham Palace tonight, wondering not for the first time how it all went so wrong. In this latest instance, HM was forced into protective care after telling people 'I don't think he looks like my father at all.'...
London - (Hemlock News): Downing Street aides have denied an emergency 'Plan B' to poison the Queen. Cabinet Secretary Sir Gus O'Donnell was reported to have ordered a vile (sic) of arsenic to be mixed into HM's Whorelicks tonight. "That way we...
London - (Pie-in-the-Sky Mess): A deep space sarcophagus commissioned by the Illuminati for the death of Queen Elizabeth streaked across British skies at dusk yesterday. Government spin doctors immediately dubbed it 'a Gemenid meteor fireball, heh...
Miami - (Reuterus & Ass Mess): The Xtra-Large pink M&S stretch polyester undies were left by the Queen on a private plane to Chile circa 1968. They are being auctioned by the estate of 'Baron' Joseph de Bicske Dobrony who paid General Pino...
HM The Queen and the Duke of Edinburgh are to climb fifty foot extension ladders in the first ever festooning of Windsor Castle with Christmas lights. In what is viewed as an expression of solidarity with a Berkshire man banned from lavishly deco...
London - (Revelations, Chapter 9/11): The whistleblowing website's entire street cred depends on this latest claim. Apparently a UN tarot reader who in 1995 predicted Barack Obama's stunning 2008 White House victory is going for the biggie. Thi...
The Queen was in Saudi Arabia today, where she met the King of Arabia who showed her his vast collection of paintings of horses. The Queen impressed all observers greatly by showing how much she knows about horsey art. She exclaimed her delight up...
The Queen, in a bit of a huff, told the paparazzi to back off Prince (Big Willie) William, and Kate (Babykins) Middleton. While having the paparazzi follow you around is just a side effect of being a Royal, the recent behavior of the photogs has been...
Abu Dhabi, UAE - (Genius of Oblivion Mess): A sombre image of Sarah Josepha Hale's ghost has appeared in an ominous dark cloud over Abu Dhabi today. The American poet, author and editor is widely accredited with the official timing of Thanksgivin...
As President Obama spared a turkey prior to Thanksgiving in America, the Queen stepped up to save Camilla from the role of Queen, as suggested by Prince Charles in a mumble to American Television. The full announcement from Buckingham Palace read:...
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