London - (Hemlock News): Downing Street aides have denied an emergency 'Plan B' to poison the Queen.
Cabinet Secretary Sir Gus O'Donnell was reported to have ordered a vile (sic) of arsenic to be mixed into HM's Whorelicks tonight.
"That way we could get our hands on her $$$s in time for the annual Xmas party," Whitehall sources explained.
The 11th hour remedy includes reports about the proposed seizure of the Queen' assets tomorrow morning for immediate sale on eBay.
Without such a drastic cash injection the annual Downing Street Xmas bash is a dead duck, officials hinted cautiously tonight.
Behind the radical rethink are MI5 reports that the recent state visit by the Qatari Emir and his wife Shaikha Mozzad saw HM trouser a tone of gold ingots into her private coffers.
"Bah, humbug!" O'Donnell told reporters this evening.
"Of course it's quite normal for Government officials to conjure up alternative scenarios when the gravy train grinds down to a halt.
"This latest plan is nothing out of the ordinary, the Labour Party tried it several times themselves."
Online bookies Aintgottaprayer.con go even money for a Wednesday morning RIP announcement from Buckingham Palace.
