PITTSBURGH--Lisa Prettysweet, an achingly beautiful 26-year old, stunned her family and friends by showing the slightest interest in philosophy. Predictably, her reading of philosophy has made her more skeptical, pessimistic, and cynical and her pare...
Dateline: NEW YORK--Leo Cornwallis belongs to roughly the third of modern male siblings that suffer from Crazy Uncle Syndrome, according to the Sociological Index of Abnormality. But Leo and a growing number of others like him have sought to mitigate...
LONDON (TS!) - Singer Susan Boyle says she has been diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome, a form of autism which has caused her to scare away men. Boyle told the Observer newspaper that she saw a specialist a year ago, who told her she had Asperger'...
PHOENIX - Governor Jan Brewer has just made a much anticipated announcement from her governor's mansion in Phoenix. She told the assembled news media that plans have been finalized on a new 30,000 mental patient facility to be built just outside t...
Essex - "And you thought the Nazis were dead and buried along with Hitler?" a constitutional expert in Human Frights law said today amid British headlines describing how an Italian woman holidaying in the UK was sedated against her will and subjected...
Miley Cyrus's tongue activity has drawn a lot of attention, including this comment, rumored to have come from the Queen: "I'm sick and tired of seeing that girl's tongue." Medical and psychiatric professionals are also weighing in. Tongue spe...
Responsible pet owner Brentson Whitman, 32, quietly and carefully fulfilled the social contract to care for the waste deposited by his three year old Jack Russell Terrier "Oscar Wilde" by delicately and silently removing the small coil of doggy-doo...
Donor kebab has said it is tired of being a late-night booty call and wants men to admit to their relationship when sober and not only after consuming twenty-five Jaeger-bombs and enough ketamine to knock out a small bear. The statement came after...
A new poll released by Mayo Clinic this morning reveals that thirty-seven percent of the adult US population has Shit for Brains! In an unprecedented move Fox News and MSNBC News are claiming that the poll is biased, provocative, and blasphemous. The...
Washington DC -- The presidential task force to control gun violence is floating several ideas through the national media to get public reaction before it releases its final report. Panel head Vice President Joe Biden put it this way: "Before we g...
by Robert James Helper, future murderer With the events in Connecticut this week, a lot of Americans are finally starting to ask if stricter gun control is the key to preventing these types of tragedies from occurring. This argument is pretty sound: fewer guns, fewer killings with guns. I think all Americans should be able to agree that new gun regulations are a necessary and vital component fo...
BILLINGSGATE POST - The Cayman Institute of LaFontaine College announced today in its eponymously named journal that solitude has been found to be the best cure for those suffering from terminal loneliness. The Cayman Institute is chaired by Dr. Vis...
Home Office sources have revealed that the Government is to take urgent action over the definition of "senior moments." Everyone over a certain age knows the anxiety that goes with moments like walking into a room, only to forget why. But top...
The NHS is preparing for victims of a new form of Dementia which not only causes memory loss but results in a complete lack of any moral standards. It is call Murdocophobia and the start of the disease has been established as being in Wapping, Eas...
Bartholomew Utterswaithe (65), a former Street Gas Lamp Wick-trimmer, lighter, and extinguisher from Nottingham, is the first person to be officially graded/classified as a 'Binge Spoofer' by the NHS. We visited Mr Utterswaithe's GP, a very pretty...
Yesterday afternoon, Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum flabbergasted supporters at a campaign rally in western Arizona by discussing the often-taboo issue of mental health - including that of himself and the other presidential candidate...
London - Her Black Dog Tribe website famously crashed when self-confessed WMD 'dodgy dossier' sexer-upper Alistair Campbell published his online heir (sic) restorative recipe last year - promoting the 'sanity' of a balding Prince Charles. Today th...
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