Senior Moments - Government Plans Action

Funny story written by Ellis Ian Fields

Monday, 14 May 2012

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Why did I come in here?

Home Office sources have revealed that the Government is to take urgent action over the definition of "senior moments."

Everyone over a certain age knows the anxiety that goes with moments like walking into a room, only to forget why.

But top people are beginning to ask whether these incidents are always "senior moments."

"We're all entertained by Inchcock's internationally reknowned column in TheSpoof in which he relates with wit and charm the shortcomings brought on by age," said Prof Spalding Neusscracker, of the Brain Department at Hounslow University.

"But there are far more puzzling incidents out there and we need to ask if they count as senior moments."

Prof Neusscracker introduced us to one of his case studies, Colin Sponge, 58, who recently thought he was having a frightening 'senior moment' involving a dishwasher.

"We were going out, so while the missus was getting ready I tidied the kitchen up after dinner and put the crocks and eating irons in the dishwasher," says Mr Sponge. "As it wasn't full, I thought I'd just switch on the rinse cycle.

"All well and good, until after I'd been in the sitting room to close the curtains and then back into the kitchen to put something in the bin. I saw the machine was still running, and I realised that I'd had a 'senior moment,' setting the dishwasher on the full wash programme."

Mr Sponge started hunting for the machine's instruction manual, in the hope that he could abhort the programme.

"I had all the drawers in the kitchen cupboard out looking for that manual and all of a sudden I heard a 'beep beep' behind me - the dishwasher had finished. I had only pushed the rinse cycle after all!"

Prof Neusscracker adds: "There are many more frightening stories like this and we need to establish whether thinking you've had a senior moment and then realising that you haven't constitutes a senior moment in itself."

A spokesman for the Home Office said: "Ministers take this very seriously and will urgently seek to launch an investigation at the earliest opportunity - probably in a couple of years."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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