Detroit - As home foreclosures escalate the need to bulldoze vacant property is expected to soar. That is why orders for bulldozers have hit a 100 year high, according to bulldozer salesman Ravegay Iggerday, of Detroit. We have Mr. Iggerday on the...
Newly-homeless baby-boomers are dying minutes after leaving their former homes. As reported in the press here, it is expected that younger people will live shorter lives (up to thirty years less) if they are homeless. Our source, Dr. Offincaye, r...
GENEVA, Switzerland - Hot on the heals of the country of origin (COO) secret melamine bar code revelation comes an even more shocking cover-up than last reported. "Not fair", is the plaintive cry of industry associations in response to revelatio...
INDIA - In the wake of many deaths by methanol in India, the resurgence of aspartame inhalation is rampant. According to our source, staff doctor, Dr. Whine Galena, when inhaled, pure aspartame releases enough methanol to produce a narcotic 'high'...
PARIS - (Rooters) A company of soldiers, in which I was embedded, invaded Paris today. Equipped with purified-aspartame spray throwers we managed to drive the Germans back to Germany. The German front is now quiet. In order to drive all the...
WASHINGTON DC - It soon may be a crime to go on a diet of 500 calories, unless you consume at least 6 aspartame flavored beverages - per day. FDA spokesman, Dr. Strangedeath, indicated that too many cases of people losing weight by using the HCG hor...
Ocean City, N.J. Scientists tested a new vaccine: protecting mice from the Ebola virus, according to an obscure journal entry brought to our attention by local policeman, Constable Finass, who is investigating the possible related disappearance of hu...
(Rooters) - Choka-Chinka Co protested Tuesday the healthfulness of its ham drinks proffered in northern China, decrying the link to the death of six hundred million Chinese people who had consumed the drinks. Choka-Chinka executives even went so far...
According to Mr. Redbody, guard number 3425 of the colony, rescue workers today searched for victims of a giant foot that tripped through several local colonies this weekend, killing at least 234 in Antville, where a devastating foot touched down and...
Rooters - In a surprising twist of events, related by a John, a stagehand at American Idol, a giant baby wearing nothing but a smile, fell onto the stage on top of Lady Gaga, knocking the fake mole off her face during rehearsals with Jamie who invol...
Fukushima - Thousands of farm animals, according to my source, Mr. Sukucowteata, a farmer here, are slowly dying in the "no go" zone 20 kilometers around the death-spewing Fukushima reactor. Pigs on automatic feeding machines are slowly dying and up...
Bethesda Maryland - Sugar is not just toxic, as some have recently postulated; but Dr. Guerivarewus, who works in a secret lab, has proven that it is a bio-warfare agent designed to kill all animal life on Earth. As Dr. Guerivarewus has shown, pla...
Melbourne, FL - According to Dr. Squirlman, going on a diet and losing 50 pounds improves memory. In a study of 100 middle-aged subjects, just concluded, preliminary review of the raw data shows that memory of the subjects improved tremendously.
Washington DC - My source, a.k.a. Bill, in the IRS, jubilant over the averted government shutdown, revealed to me after five Black Russians, that the IRS will start taxing Americans on the 'beneficial' radiation that they are subjected too as a resul...
Tokyo - UPDATE 5 The toddler previously reported as having neutron beam shrunken parents has suffered an horrendous overdose of radioactive aspartame. According to Tokyo General Prefecture Hospital, the boy was given five cases of aspartame by A...
Tokyo - According to the Tokyo police, several packs of screaming babies have invaded Tokyo liquor stores, crawling off with bottles of liquor. The strange behavior is thought to result from the combination of yellow rain, lack of water to make ba...
TOKYO - According to an anonymous source inside the Japanese Self Defense forces, the government has begun distribution of packets of a powder to be mixed with water and ingested by terminal radiation victims. According to the source, this is prom...
Get Spoof News in your email inbox!
