Melbourne - Andrew Murray awoke after his loss to Novak Djokovic and without a word to anyone left his apartment and disappeared. Later locals spotted him entering Our Lady of the Upper Respiratory Disease Convent on the outskirts of Melbourne. "H...
Fred Perry will certainly not be turning in his grave as Britain attempts to find a male Brit who can win the Holy Grail, a tennis Grand Slam. Scot Andy Murray certainly doesn't fit the bill it seems? Yesterday he had the perfect opportunity to tu...
Andy Murray insists he will face an extremely tough test when he plays world number 46 Alexandr Dolgopolov for a place in the Australian Open last four, due to the fact that his opponent has an extraordinary number of 'o's in his surname. The Brit...
Andy Murray took on the forces of Mother Nature today in his second round match in the US Open, and won. Hurricane Earl, ranked 115th in the World was no match for the Scot who played some majestic tennis against the Category 4 storm to beat him i...
Following a glut of complaints to the Lawn Tennis Association; the Wimbledon ruling elite have finally buckled to pressure from equal opportunities groups and for the first time will finally allow disablers, mentalists and retards to act both as matc...
London - (Curse of Henman Hill): With Federer slinking off with his tail between his legs and a raft of top seeds flopping in the heat Spanish tennis ace Rafael Nadal is sitting pretty at Wimbledon today. The muscular, testosterone-pumping Spanish...
Fred Murray's semi final Wimbledon match against Ralph Needle was sure to be a winner even though he lost. The Queen had given permission for Murray to use a Royal Box in view of Needle's piercing serve. 'These foreigners do not always respect...
Scottish Tennis misfit, Andy Murray, has sensationally gained his first actual fans today. The British Number 1, notorious for his surly personality redolent of a whiny teenager, though, has put his new-found surge in popularity down to his charisma.
Wimbledon - (Reuterus & Breastfeeding Mess): "It's the sight of those pert, bouncy totems of male enslavement in a see-thru T-shirt I fear most," the No 4 seed's trainer warned today. "There's only so much punishment the lad can take!" The...
Kim Sears - pouty irritating girlfriend of pouty irritating tennis nerd Andy Murray - today threatened to eat her own face if the young Scot goes on to win Wimbledon. "There's no living with him as it is. All he talks about is tennis, his mum, ho...
London - (Balls Up Mess): An entirely gratuitous visit by HM the hoaxer monarch to Wimbledon today is hexing Andy Murray's chances. The posturing grand slam wannabe's Centre Court bid against Finland's Jarkko Nieminen now looks doomed. Critics...
The Queen took revenge today on snot-nosed, misery Andy Murray by blowing on a Vuvuzela everytime he served a ball on the Centre Court at Wimbledon. The number four seed won his match in straight sets against Czech Jan Hazek but clearly looked vex...
Investigative reporter Ian Burns has been investigating what he calls THE MONEY TO BURN SYNDROME and is calling for an end to this madness now. Ian explained that he is pissed off hearing about overpaid sportsmen,actors and corrupt overpaid politi...
Andy Murray was beaten in Dubai in the second round of the Barclay's Dubai Tennis Championship after being paid £250,000 in appearance money by the sponsors of the tournament. Murray apparently played like an amateur and later said he was experime...
Lhasa,Tibet- A somber Andy Murray met the press after losing a three set match to Roger Federer. Murray, who took Roger Federer's jibe, "what's it been 150,000 years since Britain has won a major?", to heart, said he couldn't handle the pressure from...
Whilst many neutral observers are of the opinion that Roger Federer is quite simply a better tennis player than Scotland's very own Andy Murray, there remains a simmering resentment among die-hard Murray fans who remain convinced that their man was t...
Sunday's Aussie open final promises to be a loud affair as Andy Murray hopes to stuff a "haggis" in Federer's Swiss precision machine (Rolex). Murray will try anything possible to upset the Swiss and has ordered 50 tartan dressed in kilts, bagpipe...
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