Local man Billy Bogner, 68, has kept a straight face for the majority of his life despite repeated efforts by his wife, mistress, children and local friends to cheer him up. "Billy can be a grumpy bastard", said one friend yesterday, "he just will...
When local woman Tina Trollop, 19, married octogenarian bachelor Johnny Wad, 89, most locals thought that the old timer had at long last found true love and that they would all live happily ever after on his monkey plantation in south Norwich. Bu...
Local man Berry Turnip, 28, was so infatuated with his brand new wife Mary that he literally loved her to bits. A postman found Mary's shattered body lying on the patio surrounded with rose petals and heart-shaped boxes of chocolates. "It was h...
Local Pig, Percival the Pig, 2 3/4, has been displaying such good humour lately with regard to his new shed of crap, that he has described himself as quite literally being as happy as a pig in sh*t. "I'm full of beans. And Brussels sprouts. And ca...
For Martin Shuttlecock (booze free since 01/01/10) it promised to be a quiet evening in front of the TV with wife Anne, watching the Sci-Fi movie 'Resident Evil:Extinction in peace, cushioned from the world by modern technology. But of course it c...
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock was viewed with deep suspicion today by friends and family members as news emerged that he has not partaken of any form of alcoholic beverage since January 1st 2010. Shuttlecock, who grew up in the hard drinking, hard...
Local woman Patsy Pillock, 41, was left dumbstruck when she came home from a day prostituting herself down by the Old Canal Road and found her husband, Barry Pillock, 43, standing on the step holding his knob and sobbing loudly. "He said it had fa...
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, was delighted last night when wife Anne turned up at his workplace in the family E-Baymobile to give him a lift home after a gruelling twelve hour shift, a gesture which negated the horrible necessity of waiting around...
Local man Martin Shuttlecock couldn't understand why his loving wife was giving him the cold shoulder and the silent treatment this morning. Whilst it was true that he had consumed a vast quantity of alcohol the previous night, he had no recollection...
Typical Englishman. Typical English Sunday morning. Coronation Street Omnibus edition on the TV. Surfing the net, checking out Google News. Then disaster struck. It came without warning, throwing Martin Shuttlecock's life into a maelstrom of sh...
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock once again found himself at the mercy of one of his wife's whims when he agreed to stay at home to accept delivery of an American style fridge/freezer. At 14:00 GMT a wagon pulled up outside the house, which presumabl...
Shoppers in High Wycombe were shocked today as a viscious drive-by shouting was carried out in the town centre. Mary Higginbotham, 58, suffered a heart palpitation when the shouting occurred at 9:37 this morning, opposite the Eden shopping centre.
Local man Martin Shuttlecock could barely conceal his bitter disappointment this evening when he tuned in his HD TV hoping to see a movie double bill and found that the show was a sports programme featuring NFL teams Dallas Cowboys and Minnesota Viki...
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock tonight caused a bit of a domestic hoo-hah when he flatly refused to go to bed because he feared he would be abducted and anally probed by space aliens from a distant planet in a flying saucer. Wife, Anne, tried to ca...
It was supposed to be happy day for local man, Martin Shuttlecock, as he started his well earned Christmas holiday break, only for disaster to strike. As Shuttlecock walked across the forecourt outside his home to get to the family car disaster st...
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock today expressed his outrage at having to shell out £1227.91 for a big eff off 50" plasma screen TV from Comet. Shuttlecock argued that it wouldn't make his beloved Manchester United play any better, and would only ser...
Determined to impress his better half, local man, Martin Shuttlecock decided to cook her a prawn curry for her enjoyment when she arrived home from work. Initially, all went well. The prawns were purchased fresh from a local fishmonger and Shuttle...
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