Cryogenics and digital editing have enabled teen sensation Miley Cyrus, to star in a $200 dollar remake of 'On the Buses'. The sexy teen who bears no resemblence to Hilary Duff will replace Ana Karen as Olive. Producers state "While age has been u...
Angry fans of the the hit BBC programme, 'Eggheads' stormed the BBC in two days time. Pushing Jeremy Vine to the floor, and kicking him around his pious knackers. The upset fans rampaged through the studios, armed with encyclopaedia's, trivia books,...
Boy George, eighties pop sensation and celebrity bitchy camp gay man, was found guilty in court today. He was guilty of not wearing any make-up and looking just like a bloke, who you could possibly mistake for being a heterosexual. Judge John D...
Dr Gerard McGarry the holder of the world's smallest balls, has failed to 'WOW', the crowds in a Jerry Springer, 'Micro Glory-Hole' stunt. Dr Gerry (P.H.D) was employed by the loud-mouth, former mayor Jerry 'I incite a riot' Springer. The plan...
The world's smallest balls (bozacs - to the brothers) competition held in Tokyo, was won by a man from the U.K. Dr Gerard McGarry , works in cars, computers, care-homes and monkey knit-wear. The diddy dumplinged doctor not only beat fellow humans...
Eighties pop sensation Boy George, confessed in court yesterday, he was guilty of being a ...'sterotypical, homosexual bitch'. Justice Michael Cuddeford asked Boy George about a charge of false imprisonment for exactly two seconds and then mean...
Grigori Efimovich Rasputin one of the most enigmatic men in modern history is to join the cast of I'm A Celebrity or the next Celeb Big Brother. Producers are scrambling to bring the misunderstood holy man with strange powers, onto their shitty p...
DC Barry Hopper, the protagonist in David Hare's boring and over-analysed play, 'Murmuring Judges' is a raving loon and psychopath said, his former partner Abdul 'Jimmy' Khan. "While he may be a figment of David Hare's lack of imagination, Barry H...
The nineteenth century slave owner and sexual sadist, Monsieur Gaudet, has been brought back to life using modern technology. This is his story! 'Kinky slave master brought back from dead. He is not a 'zombie' say scientists. This is a bonafide ex...
In a shocking turn of fate, UK citizens are refusing to give to charity and directing charities to Jonathan Ross. Arthur Everyman said " I have to pay £185 to the BBC each year, which I would prefer to piss up the wall or give to charity. But can...
Hefty Cook Rosemary Shrager, has been accused, by the histrionic, of eating the student's she evicts from her TV programme. The husband of one of the contestant's said "last time I saw my wife, roly-poly Rosemary was telling her to take off her ap...
Anita Haris, Andy Hamilton, Andy Hallet are all members of the BNP, say the tabloids. "Having the same intials as Hitler is no coincidence" said a tabloid journalist foaming at the mouth and eyes yesterday. Anita Harris protested, she was part Eas...
Journalists at the Daily Scum have revealed, that Inspector Blakey, from "On the Buses" is BNP member 18. Not only does he resemble Adolf Hitler with his teutonic good looks and little toothbrush 'tashe'. But the number 18 is as sacred to Nazi's,...
U.S African-American activist, Jesse Jackson was shocked and disgusted to find he was actually an American member of the BNP. He is also in the French Girl Guides, and vomited, when he was outed, as being a fully paid-up member of the Albanian Mime...
Disney pop tarts Lizzie Mcguire and Hannah Montana came to blows yesterday, for no apparent reason, apart from publicity. Fictional Lizzie beat Hannah Montana across the back of the head, with a house-hold brick, as she was due to sing some of her...
Comedy 'Legend' Russell Brand who doesn't eat poo or give people STD's on sight (says his mum- who inflicted him on the world!), is to be the voice of a 'cartoon STD'. Hollywood producers were so impressed by his ability to do nothing and get paid...
Scouser Neil Buchanan is to build a city out of old jumpers, rubbish, newspapers and corrogated paper in a bid to house the UK's homeless. Buchanan who shot to fame in the 'kiddies' Saturday programme 'Number 73, as a scouse crook and car-thief',...
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