Former Harry Potter star Emma Watson announced to the world today that she is expecting twins. The exciting and impromptu news had photographers from all over the world trying to sneak up-skirt and down-front shots, particularly those photographer...
Beautiful, desirable and extremely lovely British TV presenter, Holly Willoughby, today proved to the media that she is indeed more than just a pretty face. Speaking at a conference where she had the full attention of those present on two counts,...
Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have announced that they are now expecting quadruplets, which for their vast array of low-IQ, sheep-like, celebrity clap-trap fans means that Kim will be giving birth to four babies at the same time. Speaking to a vas...
Her Majesty the Queen's speech to parliament today has achieved the impossible - all members of the House who were in attendance remained awake. Her Royal Majesty opened her speech with a plea to Wrigley's, the chewing gum manufacturer, not to lay...
The world had responded excitingly to the news that David Miliband has quit the heady world of politics to join International Rescue. At a press conference this morning held on Tracy Island, former astronaut, Jeff Tracy, head of the Tracy family,...
The outgoing Chief Rabbi of the UK, Lord Dr Jonathan Sachs, has made a magnanimous offer to the College of Cardinals in the Vatican by offering to become the new Pope. His office said that he made the offer for a number of reasons, some practical...
In a shock announcement by the Vatican today, it has been confirmed that Simon Cowell, the mastermind behind popular talent shows such as "Britain's Got Morons" and "£X-Factor" is being drafted in to bring some life to the process for choosing a new...
Despite facing possible closure as a result of government stupidity, Sheffield's Don Valley Stadium has shown its mettle by coming out fighting in order to save Nick Clegg. A spokesman for the stadium, Donald Valley (no relation) said that while t...
Although fans of Pink Floyd may be very "uncomfortably numb" with the news, One Direction and Little Mix, X-factor winners who have been noted for their extraordinary lack of any real talent, will be getting together to not play any instruments and n...
The President of the Palestinian Authority, Mahmoud Abbas, is now up in arms over spam texts, although, it must be added that on this occasion, it's not firearms. Palestinians throughout Gaza are being inundated with unwanted spam text messages ur...
The new Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby, was today confirmed in the position only because others being considered as candidates were eliminated from the running due to various factors. Saintly Simon Cowell was eliminated from the running at...
Popular singing sensation and "Britain's Got Premium Rate Phone Lines" runner-up Susan Boyle (known as SuBo to her friends or "Mad Scottish Woman" to her detractors), has thrown her weight - thought to be approaching 14 stone - into the foray regardi...
The final shortlist for the soon to be vacant Archbishop of Canterbury position was announced today by a group of men in fancy dress and funny hats, although these were later revealed to be their religious uniforms worn for special occasions and to s...
Abu "Hook" Hanza, the radical terrorist, has challenged the Government for keeping him in Belmarsh prison for the past number of years, and has said that he should be released immediately prior to any sort of extradition. He claims that he was pla...
There was uproar, mayhem and general chaos in government circles today when the chief whip accused some officials surrounding the leader's home of being "plebs". Gaius Julius Caesar, leader of the Roman Empire and creator of the Julian calendar an...
There was shock, horror, more shock and even more horror in the UK as a film charting the adventures of a man who married a 7 year-old girl was premiered in Tehran today. Titled "Prophet or Lolitas", the film consists of an incredibly flimsy scrip...
In a break from tradition, and in order to not have to rely on the paparazzi taking unofficial photographs, Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, has gone public herself with previously unpublished photographs of her tits and pussy. Prince William, the...
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