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Spoof stories written by Bill Licks

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Funny story: Compare the Meerkat's Aleksandr Orlov found in loaf of bread

Compare the Meerkat's Aleksandr Orlov found in loaf of bread

A food production company has been fined 50 pounds after the star of an insurance comparison website advert was found in a loaf of bread. Aleksandr Orlov of Compare the Meerkat fame was discovered by a man in Oxford as he was making sandwiches for...

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Funny story: RBS finally runs out of employees to fire

RBS finally runs out of employees to fire

The Royal Bank of Scotland controversially fired its last 500 employees today and is now run by absolutely no one. In an effort to increase third quarter profits RBS has decided the best way to save money is to reduce its headcount to zero, theref...

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Funny story: Third Miliband brother found working in Asda

Third Miliband brother found working in Asda

As Ed beat David in the Labour leadership challenge, customers at the Asda in Dulwich were shocked to find the third Miliband brother collecting trolleys form the supermarket car park. 'It's uncanny' said 90 year old shopper Hilda Lineker, 'I was...

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Funny story: Cats compete to get Most Popular news story on the BBC website

Cats compete to get Most Popular news story on the BBC website

Cats from all over the world are now competing with each other to get their story of alleged cruelty to be the most read on the BBC's news website. Attention seeking moggies are literally falling over themselves to make their owners look like the...

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Funny story: India outsources Commonwealth Games

India outsources Commonwealth Games

Your bank has probably outsourced its operations there, your phone company no doubt outsourced its customer services there too, and you might even notice that when you try to call your mother, she has outsourced herself, so that you now have a conver...

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Funny story: Football fan apologises to footballer

Football fan apologises to footballer

A West Bromwich Albion fan has apologised to Birmingham City's Lee Bowyer after verbally abusing him during the Baggies 3-1 victory over the Blues. The incident happened after Bowyer was substituted towards the end of the match when the fan is bel...

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Funny story: Clare Balding is not a dyke

Clare Balding is not a dyke

TV presenter and dental hygienist Clare Balding was delighted today to discover she wasn't a dyke. Balding complained to the PCC when an article was published in The Times by the famous dead American poet Dr Suess called the Dyke on the Bike. T...

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Funny story: Britain is a huge steaming turd - says Pope Bendict

Britain is a huge steaming turd - says Pope Bendict

After Cardinal Walter Kasper described Britain as a third world country, Pope Benedict XXX went one further by describing Britain as a huge steaming turd floating in Europe's toilet bowl. On the eve of his visit to the UK Pope Benedict, real name...

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Funny story: Hampstead Heath now safe to go to at night

Hampstead Heath now safe to go to at night

Londoners in the NW3 area were celebrating today as they discovered the joys of being able to walk on Hampstead Heath at night without any strange Greek gentlemen approaching them for some adult fun. The news of George Michaels imprisonment was ma...

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Funny story: Terrorists forget to strike on 9/11 for the ninth year in a row

Terrorists forget to strike on 9/11 for the ninth year in a row

Forgetful Islamic terrorists have missed the opportunity to attack the US on September 11th for the ninth year in a row after refusing to accept the Gregorian calendar used by the Infidels of the West. The Islamic calendar consists of 354 days, 10...

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Funny story: Necrophilia to be taught in schools

Necrophilia to be taught in schools

The government announced today a controversial list of new subjects to be taught in schools in an effort to improve the youth of Britain's sex education. Among the subjects to be added to the new GCSE curriculum will be Autoerotic Asphyxiation, Ex...

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Funny story: America asks - Who is Piers Morgan?

America asks - Who is Piers Morgan?

After it was announced that Larry King will be replaced by Piers Morgan on CNN, millions of Americans asked the question - Who is Piers Morgan? Well after several minutes of investigative journalism the Spoof can now reveal everything an American...

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Funny story: Euro 2012 qualifier upset as Scotland beat Lichtenstein

Euro 2012 qualifier upset as Scotland beat Lichtenstein

European football saw one of its biggest shock results tonight as the mighty footballing nation of Lichtenstein were humiliated at the hands of the minnows from Scotland. As expected the principality went ahead 1-0 early in the second half and wer...

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Funny story: Thomas the Tank Engine goes on Strike

Thomas the Tank Engine goes on Strike

It was another Monday morning in London Toy Town and Thomas the Tank Engine was all set to carry the miserable commuters to their work destinations. He was doing the underground shift this week. How he loved to travel through those dark tunnels where no one could see him picking up the workers with their interesting body odours. As he prepared himself for the day ahead, he noticed out of the...

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Funny story: Andy Murray beats Hurricane Earl in straight sets at the US Open

Andy Murray beats Hurricane Earl in straight sets at the US Open

Andy Murray took on the forces of Mother Nature today in his second round match in the US Open, and won. Hurricane Earl, ranked 115th in the World was no match for the Scot who played some majestic tennis against the Category 4 storm to beat him i...

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Funny story: David Cameron 'I'm not gay and neither is my friend Nick Clegg'

David Cameron 'I'm not gay and neither is my friend Nick Clegg'

Prime Minister David Cameron announced today that he is definitely not a gay MP. No way, not a chance matey because he doesn't fire blanks unlike other ex Tory leaders. As he posed proudly for photographs with his wife and their new baby Borisina...

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Funny story: The Tony Blair memoirs chapter 12 - Tony Takes a Dump

The Tony Blair memoirs chapter 12 - Tony Takes a Dump

It was a black day when I took a shit. Blacker than 9/11 or when Lady Di had an accident in that French tunnel. Blacker than 7/7, Boris Johnson and when some little bastard grafittied the word 'CUNT' on the front door of one of those fabulous apartme...

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