This article, was designed by Bartholomew Utterwaithe (66), to offer help, support, succour and advice to those of the population who are entering their 60's - in an effort to lessen the culture-shock suffered by many, when they also get made redundant at 62 years of age, then suffer heart failure. It is not intended as a solution for the those who are about to lose their concentration, bladder...
After several failed relationships with women in their early to mid-twenties, 62-year-old* bachelor Nick Candlewood decided to date only age-appropriate women in their thirties. "There are some very smart, mature 25-year-olds out there," remarks N...
I'm feeling old lately. Not the kind of old Bill Cosby used to schlep about in his stand-up routine, lamenting the inevitable forgetfulness that comes with age, like the panic you feel when you've forgotten who you're calling before the intended party has answered the phone. It's more an ever-growing sense that there is a chasm that's widening between myself and the past. It first hit me while lis...
News that the families of millions of UK pensioners will be forced to pay twice as much for them to stay in a care home has seen stocks and shares in the mashed food and backhanded slap markets soar to unprecedented new heights. Market's across t...
A statement released from Buckingham Palace this morning has sadly officially confirmed that Her Majesty the Queen has the age related condition known as 'detrectandis'. The condition is fortunately not life threatening. Detrectandis usually attacks...
Sex and the City producers have confirmed a prequel, a cause for celebration and a bonaza for cosmetic surgeons suffering from the recession. Women around the world will have another chance to indulge in doses of fashion porn from the glamorous s...
Ageless actress Sharon Stone has triggered one of the biggest on set disasters in movie history, as a one mile cordon had to be set up around a film set in New York after she recreated the infamous scene from Basic Instinct. An unexplained toxic gas...
A care homes company has begun selling off its old people after going into administration. Northern Cross, which operates 130 care homes around the UK, went into administration this week after failing to raise finance to cover its debts. 1,000 sta...
One of the old farts who contribute their pathetic rubbish to our magazine, (we've tried to discourage him) has sent in yet another of his 'Odes' - this time about the downhill differences he finds himself suffering from 1959 to 2011. Being as we rejected to git's previous three pieces of crap, we thought we'd better include this one, as it is not as bad as his usual offerings. The place I now...
Reports have reached the world through the British red-top tabloid press that the world's oldest woman, Mary Quite-Contrary has died in Somerset, England at 145, just after visiting the Moon. Lauded by millions of people as the word's oldest woman...
Walter Breuning, who up until last Thursday, was the world's oldest man at 114 years old, has died due to an undisclosed illness after, allegedly, ignoring expert medical advice. Breuning spent the last month of his life in a Great Falls hospital,...
Miriam O'Reilly, who won an age discrimination case against the BBC last year, has been given a new role by BBC One. 54 year old O'Reilly, who took the Beeb to an industrial tribunal after losing her job on Countryfile (and won the case) , is taki...
Ageism and its 'fallout', could, indeed, be 'hitting' the pages of The Spoof within the month. It is rumoured that the owner of this popular site is getting a little tired of the 'older' writers as they often appear to be under the infuluence of medications, or other 'mind altering substances' when they write. He accepts that many older writers are suffering from arthritis, high blood pres...
A Local Man, a semi articulate and part time satire writer, was left speechless after a mind numbing encounter with a dental hygienist today which left him bloody and wishing for a kidney stone attack instead. Melvin Wordsmithe, a mild mannered r...
When the rumours first start, the idea of redundancy is an aggravation, Once confirmed, those chosen begin to suffer workplace social segregation, Slowly unavoidably affected by low esteem and cruel self-depreciation, A half hearted look at the job situation brings great perturbation, When you increase your efforts, and try to avoid reprobation, To the job searching you give your be...
Global chemical giant Splurge Inc has withdrawn its QN7 age defying cream from sale in western countries. QN7 first went on sale in 2004 and was said to be the world's first cream that actually made people younger. Hollywood stars were the first t...
July 5, 1989: President Reagan was retired to California, Bush 41 hadn't yet unleashed his son, the Antichrist, on us. Mel Blanc, Laurence Olivier and Ferdinand Marcos were still among the living -barely- and "Seinfeld", a show starring hip, young co...
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