English soccer has been use to mediocrity over the last 45 odd years and the shining example of this habit is in the one and only, Wayne Rooney (who?)! After breaking the English scoring record once held by a rather more talented, Sir Bobby Charlt...
Legendary former England, Leicester and Barcelona striker Gary Lineker has had enough of hilarious Twitterers reminding him of the time he crapped himself on the pitch during a group stage match versus the Republic of Ireland at the 1990 World Cup in...
Bench warmer. Fringe player. That's what the papers have been calling me ever since the debacle of our World Cup misadventure and I've got to admit it's true. Roy hasn't even had me in the squad for the matches against the Swiss cheese makers and th...
London - Football's coming home alright with the announcement that newly knighted Sir Roy Hodgson of Pratts Bottom and his victory team are to be treated to a fab Palace garden party to mark their historic World Cup win (WTF? 'Ed'). Sunday's no ex...
After 48 years of misery, upsets, lousy performances and overpaid Rooney, England have just finished first in the World Cup! The news has just seeped through after a donkey ridden by a Himalayan Sherpa, his five children and wife rode into Kathman...
Nobody knows who should play in the England team better than millions of unqualified (sometimes drunk) coaches up and down the country. The world cup and the England team unites the country in a way only declaring war on the Germans used to. Back and...
Pop? Pop? I ask you, bloody cheeky little twerps...that's what our two teenage prodigies took to calling me. Raheem and Luke, they've hardly got a hair on their collective testicles and they had the nerve to call me "Pop". In fact knowing kids thes...
Arsenal may have to replay their narrow FA Cup win after an investigation into the game found the pink ball used was stupid. It stopped short of concluding the entire football industry was corrupt, tiresome and overpriced as that would have been too...
Millions of English football fans are predicted to be brutally attacked in a sexual manner this summer by an elderly owl in a poor physical condition and its players, but the Police Force have already stated that they will not investigate a single fo...
Yesssssssssss! I'm on my way to Brazil, wohoooo! Good old Roy, he knows a quality player when he sees one, which isn't very often in my case having been on the bench due to my managerial faux pas this season. Now I suppose you'll want to know how...
Bloody Daniel Agger. I wanted to get on that pitch and kick him in the nuts after what he did to our little Jack. I was out of my seat seething and shouting at the bastard. Yes okay, so maybe I was on the bench, but we can't all be in the team and...
Sammy Caruthers of Guildford announced yesterday his own provisional 23 man England football squad for the World Cup 2014 in Brazil this June. Sammy, who goes to school at St Margarets Church of England primary, said that changes could be made l...
Did you see it? Did you bloody see it? He looked like he was on holiday in Southend not visiting a building site in Manaus. No style, stupid 99p Store shades, long sleeve shirt, all buttoned up and I bet he was wearing flannels and a vest. I suppo...
So, "England supremo" Roy Hodgson says playing a World Cup match in Manaus is "not ideal", but he does accept that games must be spread around Brazil. What a moaner, apparently temperatures there reach 30C, while humidity is about 80% so he thinks t...
Costa do Sauipe, BRAZIL: FIFA 2014 WORLD CUP DRAW: Sir Geoff Hurst drew England into Group D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, DEATH!! and officially Greg Dyke, Chairman of the FA, responded by drawing a finger across his throat, to signify Group D, D, D,...
Newly retired Sir Alec Fergieson has revealed in his new book he turned down the chance to manage England twice but, if asked for a third time, would definitely accept the job... with conditions. Fergie revealed he turned down the chance to replac...
Andros Townsend has told Tottenham Hotspur boss Andre Villas-Boas he would like to go out on loan again before the World Cup Finals in Brazil next summer. Townsend followed his goal scoring debut against Montengro with another solid performance v...
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