After she checked out of McGillicutty Surgical Hospital in Dillonshire, England, Cortana met this reporter for an ale and to talk about her recent transformation. "Well, there's always been this, I guess--feminine part of me, you know I always wondered how things would have gone if I had been female, so after an eternity as a male I decided to see what life is like as a woman. And get the name...
To provide a framework for this story, let it be reported that In the U.S. people making an average of $75,000 pay an effective federal tax rate of 20%. But CEO Tim Crook has decided that Pear Corporation, makers of computers and smart phones doe...
London, UK, England - You can buy anything and connect it to the internet these days; TV's and microwaves, toilets and toasters. Even the latest artificial leg comes with online capabilities and is part of our new world's Internet Of Things. Now,...
Cawker City, Kansas Donald Trump spoke out against the Internet on his latest campaign stop. "What's the deal with this Internet thing anyways? I don't use it myself, I have everything printed out for me! All I hear is bad things about it. All the...
Satch Farley of Binghamton has taken out a full page add in the Binghamton Post seeking employment in the computer industry on the basis that he is good with computers. Mr. Farley, a 26-year-old landscaper living in his parents' basement lis...
I don't have pointy teeth, a black cape, a bad haircut, or a see-through body. But can I be scary? You betcha! Y'see, I'm a computer in the general reference room of a local library. A bad, bad computer. One who makes up emails and sends them to library patrons. Spooky! And fun -- to annoy, enrage, scare a lot of folks. Whatever. Oh, you thought only humans can be scary? Get with it. This is...
Chancellor George Osborne says he is 'totally hacked off' with web and software-based systems that use progress bars to show how far along a particular process is. He claims that millions of hours of productivity are being lost from British industry...
Laptops- Laptops satisfied consumer demand the same way lapdogs pacify their masters' angst, providing both with companionship. But many laptop users resent the comparison to a lapdog because it automatically infers a link to bestiality, which is a repugnant taboo - and they don't want anyone to know about their perversion. Computer companies were quick to exploit and capitalize on close...
Desktop Computers- The personal computer (PC) was invented as a prosthesis to replace the human brain. As expected our brains have atrophied from the reliance upon such a crutch - and users just can't get enough. Whereas the telephone lets your fingers do the walking, now you can let the PC do the thinking. After all, thinking is too much like work and people have better things to do with their ti...
San Francisco, CA - Ivor Putinski loves his new home in America, and wanted nothing more than to use his various talents to help improve the lives of the people in his newly adopted country. This inspired Ivor to develop his new "Hire-A-Thug" iPhone...
Goshen, IN-Can't get a date for the prom or the homecoming dance? Need a temporary assistant to run your office while your dependable office assistant is on vacation? Ready to panic? You may not need to panic. A local company which specializes in...
Social media giant Facebook announced today that a new app will be on their website that informs users when someone is masturbating over their profile picture. Facebook creator Zuckerberg revealed in a demonstration yesterday in Los Angeles, how...
Apple wants your money, as much (or as little) of it as it can get--as much being $10,000 (for Big Spenders), as little $349 (for cheapskates). That's right, the company founded by Johnny Appleseed has added wristwatches to its collection...
IGNORAN, CE (Acme World News) -- Few weeks ago, it has been reported that the town of Protacio, CE bans Dota in all computer shops in that area due to increasing crime rate. Recently, this same town now bans other kinds of software, which is in fa...
International Business Machinations (IBM) denied reports that it plans to lay off 100,000 of its employees after losses for each of the last 11 successive quarters. "We're in the money," CEO Ginni Romney (no relation, as far as can be determined,...
I'm so lucky to be a CAPTCHA program. Y'know one of those little thingies that won't let you operate on a website unless you prove that you're human. I absolutely LOVE my job. The irony of the situation tickles me. Love it, love it, love it -- that a human has to communicate with a machine in order to prove his or her humanity. LOL! Most of the time I do my gatekeeper job diligently. But eve...
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