Whilst you may never have thought of Worthing as a 'city', an international panel of Pikey travellers has decided otherwise. In a recent liveability survey, carried out by the Pikey Ford Transit Van Club of Europe and The Americas, the former West S...
In a recent survey carried out by Gallop Holes, it was discovered that aligning yourself to a party such as the BNP is a massive indicator of IQ, much more so than economic or educational background. "We were amazed," said Lee Ping, Gallop Hole's...
A new poll has thrown doubt on the results of thousands of surveys which claim to reflect the moods and tastes of the nation. This latest survey, carried out by PollsRUs for EIF News & Features, questioned several local people and came up with...
The Isle of Wight has tied with the Isle of Man to become England's whiniest places. "I think it's a disgrace," said spokesperson for Tourism and Excuses, Tom Bowler. "This survey has been conducted by some Australian group who came at it from the...
In a recent, totally impartial survey by English people, England was overwhelmingly voted as the best country in the world. One of the reasons England scored so high was our inventive skills. Amongst many other things, we invented time. Without time nothing else could be invented, so by default we pretty much invented everything. We invented America, Australia, and Canada, (apart from the sh...
After extensive research by the Portsmouth Institute for Social Sciences it has been determined that colour bias - the preference for one colour over another - is universal. "We have used several hundred paint colour charts from a variety of manuf...
A recent survey of maths teachers at secondary schools in England has revealed that nearly ninety percent believe themselves to be above average. Worst still, they have been told that ninety percent believe themselves to be above average, and do not...
A recent nation wide survey has produced worrying results for Ed Milliband and the Labour Party. An Ipsos Mori poll commissioned amongst Labour voters has revealed that the party is an even worse state than previously feared. 55% of those polle...
A survey was recently conducted throughout colleges in Europe and America to find out the world's PERFECT GENTLEMAN past and present. Females of all ages, mostly in the 18-30 group were asked to read biographical material on a list of twenty subjects. Physical descriptions were kept to a minimum to hide the subjects' identities. Candidates were asked to mark in terms of (1) looks (2) sex appe...
Irish people are either lazy or hate housework, according to a survey. The Organisation of Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD) looked at the unpaid work habits of 26 different countries and found that the Irish spend just one-and-a-half h...
Hamburg, DE - An informal survey suggests that bankers earn more than nurses. Even the best nurses earn significantly less than a top banker on Wall Street. "This seems unfair" comments Laura E., night nurse at the Betsy F. Memorial Hospital in Ly...
A recent hard-hitting survey has revealed that statistics have risen upwards at an unprecedented rate and are currently at an all-time high. The shock report reported that a shocking 74% of all statistics are only 39% worthwhile, while 22% of the...
A survey of what annoys us about London restaurants has been rubbished by a "more accurate" poll. According to a survey to promote London Restaurant Week, the thing that ticks off diners the most is being too close to another table. The second...
A National Literary Trust survey of 17,000 children in the U.K. has revealed that kids who use their local library are likely to be above average readers. Even more surprising was the news that children with a sub standard reading ability for their age were twice as likely not to go to a library. In the wake of this controversial conclusion, the Centre For Stating The Bleeding Obvious has co...
You're in a bar. There's an attractive woman drinking alone. After talking to her for a few minutes, you realise something is not quite right. Then she goes to the gents, and you realise she was in fact a he. How do you react? This is one of the q...
A shocking new survey has lifted the lid on the sex lives of Brits. After decades of the world thinking that Brits would rather have a cup of Earl Grey than have sex, it now seems we are a race of sexual opportunists with the morals of a politician.
According to recently released figures from the DFFA* nobody in the UK has the slightest idea what they're doing, much less why they're doing whatever it is that they're doing. One field study revealed that a man in a supermarket, hovering by the...
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