Rome---Not long after stunning his followers by announcing his sudden retirement, Pope Benedict XVI has delivered his farewell speech before a huge crowd of cheering supporters. In his speech the Pope explained his reasons for quitting, something no Pope has done in centuries. Here is a condensed version of the Pope's address: Dear followers, I greet you, and I am honored by you...
St. Louis - Matt Holiday of the Cardinals announced today that the Cardinals have picked Satan to be the new Pope. While there are no good Catholics on the team, many are well versed in the ways of the Vatican. "We feel Satan best represents the...
Vatican City -- As he retires as the mystical leader of the Catholic Church, Pope Benedict is being honored for the miracles he performed while pontiff. Among the amazing feats with which he is credited are these wonders: Converted the Pope Mobil...
Soon-to-be former Bishop of Rome, Successor of St. Peter, Head of the College of Bishops, Vicar of Christ, and Pastor of the Universal Church: Pope Benedict XVI has snagged a new part-time job as a Wal-Mart greeter at a superstore in Raleigh, North C...
THE VATICAN - Italy's national news agency The Daily Vino has just reported that Pope Benedict XVI, 85, has made a highly surprising announcement. The leader of the Catholic church said that he has decided that after his resignation becomes offici...
Vatican - Pope Benedick has stepped down as Pope. According to Vatican sources he is pregnant and has been showing under his robes for about month. Cardinal Jose Sardouchey, who fathered the child, said in a press conference earlier today that he...
The Vatican has officially appointed its first openly gay Pope, at least in this century. The rumor was confirmed today at noon when pink incense smoke was seen stylishly smoldering from the Vatican. The Vatican News put out an official announcem...
The Vatican has received Word from God that the Almighty is suing Pope Benedict XVI for breach of contract following the Pontiff's recent announcement that he will resign as head of the Catholic Church. Vatican lawyers received the news in an epip...
With Pope Benedict's edict that he will retire soon, superstar Kevin Garnett dropped a net on the ever-speculating press about his own retirement, but this threat may be a ploy to accept a trade from the green C's to the Holy See team. Could it be...
Former Prime Minister, Tony Blair, has been elected Pope in a widely expected effort by The Vatican to increase the Church's popularity. Members of the Papal Conclave, charged with electing a new Pope, studied Blair's 1997 Election campaign material...
VATICAN CITY, ITALY - Adoring fans of outbound Pope Benedict XVI maintain a constant vigil outside the Vatican today, their hopes held high that, once the smoke clears, he'll be revealed as having regenerated into the body of BBC TV's current incarna...
Following his shock resignation, Pope Benedict XVI has issued a statement of grave regret and apology. Pope Benedict, or plain old Ratty, Joey or Claire (or, indeed, Eggs) as he is known to his friends, broke down when asked at a press conference for...
Rome - The secret accord was forged when the pair worked on Korean Peninsula covert projects in their early 20s during the turbulent North-South divide. "We always suspected they spent their youth in Asia," a Spanish Inquisition source commented,...
Rome - The Pope had an Italian Cardinal fitted up to run as pacemaker during his 2005 election run for the papacy a report in Rome's Corriere Della Que Serra Serra newspaper alleges. Cardinal Gorgon Zola secured 49% of the first conclave run-off b...
The Greek Orthodox Church has made a dramatic, multi-million dollar bid for the signature of Pope Benedict XVI. A number of leading religions are competing for the former pontiff's services after he handed in a transfer request to the Vatican. "Wi...
The Vatican was shaken to its very foundations yesterday as Pope Benedict handed in his notice as Gods personal Rottweiler. 'Pope Daddy' as the top clergy all over the world call him, completely lost the plot as he finally broke under the strain of s...
A New Jersey man could become the first ever American Pope after he completed an online application form for the vacant position which he saw advertised on monsterjobs.com. Eric Tisdale, 44, unemployed but a former butcher feels he is "in with a c...
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