BRUXELLES - German Chancellor Angela Merkel screamed at the summit here to this reporter: "The Euro just doesn't get any respect! Ve Vill Ve Vill Vocket You." She ordered the European Commission and the European Court of Justice to use powerful V2...
BRUSSELS - Hate Brussels sprouts? You'll really hate Brussels punishment for lack of budgetary discipline. That's right. According to our mole, a janitor at the conference, leaders of the European Central Bank have come up with the ultimate punishment for governments that do not pay back their loans. Germany was pushing for firing squad. The French were pushing the guilloti...
Parisians woke this morning to German tanks on the boulevards outside their apartment buildings. In an effort to save the Euro currency, Chancellor Angela Merkel had given the wehrmacht orders to occupy France as it did in the Second World War. I...
HARFOLD, Vt. - After reading for weeks that the euro promises to collapse, Americans in northern Vermont are growing impatient, unable to make a decision as to whether they'll travel to Europe in 2012. "I need that sucker to go one-to-one," said S...
Craig Moleunit, Britain's Leading Economist*, has spoken frankly about the state of the World Economy. He spoke candidly in a recent interview with business magazine 'World Accounting News Kite'. "Basically, we're fucked! Screwed! Shagged! The deb...
London - The Brit peacekeepers' German presence guarantees the Euro's legit in a variety of ways Whitehall sources said tonight. "Mostly it's the 1st Armored Division's Challenger 2 MBTs, Warrior IFVs and AS-90 Braveheart howitzer capability," MoD...
Heathrow Airport tarmac, Outskirts of London: David Cameron has come back from Germany, after a 15 hour talk with Frau Merkel over the EU, to a 'triumphant' welcome reminiscent of Neville Chamberlain, those many years ago in the late 1930's. 'Our...
In a surprise move by banks across Europe, bailiffs have started the process of evicting the Greeks from their country. 'The small print on the secured loans was very clear' Bob Holbourn, head bailiff told us. 'It clearly states that 'your count...
An urgent message has gone out from the European Central Bank for paper to print billions of euros in an effort to stave off financial disaster and the end of the euro as a currency. Tree felling in Scandanavia is at record levels, endangering eff...
London - A 'prescient' scribble in a 1930s primary school history textbook found smouldering in a skip outside the EU's London HQ has shed new light on the Euro mess as G20 heads of government continued their Cannes of Worms summit today. 'Germany...
Athens - Hellenic Hellfire Club grandees are demanding the public immolation of Prince Philip in an appeasement of the gods sacrifice that some reckon he's had coming for years. "The Old Spanish Inquisition had the right idea," Greek Minister for...
London - It's a made-in-heaven opportunity of a lifetime as financial creationists hail the Vatican's latest scam - er...plan! - announced during the Eurozone crisis this week. The proposed establishment of a World Central Bank sees ex-UK Prime Mo...
The Eurozone looks to be safe for the next few weeks after the heads of the 17 countries which use the Euro agreed to stuff more money in envelopes and throw them at Greece. But what do ordinary sausage-slapping Germans think of it? Germany has the most to lose from the current bailouts, as it is the richest country in the Eurozone - as well as the most warmongering. We asked several ordinary G...
London - Astrologers are confident next Monday's feast of Halloween will see the final collapse of the long-running KGB ponzi scam of the Euro. Some reckon a trillion dollar EU bailout attempt is horribly tainted by bad karma going all the way bac...
Doctors have warned of the latest threat to our health, dubbed euroscepticimia or euro for short. At the moment the disease is spreading rapidly through the British population and a cull has been suggested by the 'Sun' to deal with the menace effecti...
Brussels - A committee of Europe's leading economists, bankers and nutritionists have developed a simple solution to end the European debt crisis. They propose converting the Euro from a currency into a candy bar. "Currently, we are printing euros...
Brussels - EU runt states of Portugal, Ireland, Italy, Greece and Spain have demanded an immediate makeover of their tarnished porcine image. Threatened with default sanctions by their First Brussels Gravy Train Bank masters the PIIGS group said t...
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