Harry Redcrapp, cheeky cockney used car dealer and Spurs manager has announced that he is suffering from a nasty case of sour grapes. "I got the most 'orrible sour grapes, mate. And I really hate the Italians because they do not suffer from this. Thi...
Liverpool captain Steven Gerrard, the man who, according to Zinedine Zidane, is "the best and most exciting player in the world at the moment", has come in for strong criticism over his incorrect use of the English language, and is to go back to scho...
The FA today announced that women were to replace its men as players in the national team. 'Well', FA chief Donald Duckov said, 'when we've been reduced to playing people like John 'Buster Keaton' Terry and David 'Can only take free kicks' Beckham...
Theo Walcott has been banned for life from playing football, even for his home town team, after he proved positive for actually being a whippet. The Arsenal player, who plays unders Terry Henry's old number, is in fact a rare form of whippet. This...
A curse cast on Sir Raffaelot, a knight of the round football of Kop, by evil wizard and jouster Fergie le Fey today went badly wrong. Fergie had used his diabolical powers many times on his enemies before, including Lord Workev of New Castle, and...
After their miserable and bad-tempered 2-0 defeat to Fulham at Craven Cottage yesterday, last year's Premier League champions Manchester United were forced to face the grim reality that their title might just be slipping away from them. United, no...
London,21st Mar: The EVA announced the Great Britain Volleyball team for the looming World Championships. In what appears to be a move towards a strong show in the London Olympics of 2012, the team is dominated by youth. A shock inclusion was former...
Swiss neutrality at its most extreme - Scottish Second Division sides East Fife and Stranraer F.C. met at Bayview Stadium yesterday and experienced surely the most bizarre events ever to take place in sport. Eleven minutes into the game, referee J...
Manchester United fans are waking up to a real shock this morning, after it was revealed that their Argentine striker, Carlos Tevez, will be re-signing for West Ham United later today. The inclement weather prevalent in the Manchester area is thou...
Cristiano Ronaldo, the Manchester United whinger whose sexuality has often been the subject of much discussion, has said he is not looking forward to this afternoon's match at Fulham, and to the threat of a bit of cottaging. The Craven Cottage cro...
Robbie Fowlup, the former Liverpool goal scoring ace today admitted to using a mobile phone in front of goal. An emotional Fowlup said "I was spending so much time on my property deals that football just became a chore. Even when I was clean through...
Arsenal have received a massive boost with the return to training of their captain Cesc Fabregas after a serious spitting injury. The Spanish midfielder has been out of action since rupturing his tonsils when clearing his throat gainst Liverpool...
Arsene Wenger and various executive suits at the Arsenal Desperates (Degenerates?) Stadium today issued a statement to the effect that, following accusations that skipper Cesc Fabregas spat at Hull City assistant manager Brian Horton, AND at kraut ca...
After years of two sycophantic and simpering Labour Prime Ministers, the Queen invited Brian Clough to Buckingham Palace today, to take Gordon Brown's place as Premier. 'By 'eck', he said, after talks with Her Majesty, 'you've got to 'and it to th...
In an astonishing development former Hull City great Raich Carter, has been confirmed temporary assistant manager replacing the now sick Brian Horton. Celebrated psychic Mystic Meg confirmed that she was acting as Mr. Carters agent, and that Hull...
As the FA begins what could be a damaging investigation into an alleged incident at the Emirates Stadium last night, it emerged tonight that, regardless of whether or not Arsenal captain Cesc Fabregas be found guilty of spitting at Hull City assistan...
Standards of England's sportsmen have fallen so low that the USA yesterday defeated England at football and cricket, and on the same day, and with the same players. 'It was easy', American fast bowler Ellington Duke said, 'we had them all out by l...
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