Chuck Terzella, a new writer for the Spoof magazine has been admitted to hospital yesterday, according to unnamed sources. Mr. Terzella is said to be suffering from depression due to a decline in his readership statistics in the on line humor magazin...
I was lying on the couch on a beautiful Sunday afternoon, doing a little light reading, Gulag Archipelago I think, but it hardly matters. What matters is that my wife comes in, tosses the car keys on my chest and says, “We’re going to the store.” Now, this can be a pretty good thing. My wife gardens, so going to the store could easily imply a trip to someplace with tools, like Home Depot. T...
United Nations Secretary General, Kofi Annan, announced the appointment today of New Zealander Ross Mountain as Interim Envoy to Iraq. Mr. Mountain will take over the duties of Sergio Vieira De Mello who was blown up in Baghdad on August 19th.
In a stunning twist on supply side economics, it was reported today that the price Iraqi's pay at the gas pump for a gallon of fuel was five cents. It may be remembered that several months ago Vice President Dick Cheney's company Halliburton was crit...
I’ve been thinking about Asians. Well, more than Asians, I’ve been thinking about everybody and the way I react to them. My problem is I don’t know if I’m a biased person. I probably am; we probably all are in some way, shape or form, but my point is do the biases I have make me a bad person? Webster’s Unabridged Dictionary tells me that Bias means ‘a mental leaning or inclination; preposse...
As you may remember, a short time ago President Bush called me, thinking I was Colin Powell after apparently misdialing a phone number. I figured that was the end of it, but thank god for technology. This morning I was scrolling back through my phones call history and found a 202 area code on my incoming calls. On a whim, I hit redial. "Good morning there, this is George W. Bush, the...
Another morning, another unwelcome phone call. I just wanted to read the morning paper but my cell phone keeps vibrating in my pocket, normally a pleasant sensation, but right now it’s just too early. Still half asleep I reached for the phone, knocking my coffee over. Cursing, I answered, “ What?!” “Chuck? It’s Karl Rove.”, the voice on the other side answered. Great, I would rather it was...
It was early in the morning, much too early for telemarketers or bill collectors, you know decent people, when the phone rang. “ Hello, Colin? It’s me, President Georgie Bush. How’re ya all doin today?”...
So I was there outside the Cineplex on line for tickets to see the last installment of The Lord Of The Rings- The Return of the King. Sitting huddled against the side of the theatre was a homeless guy, all dirty and stinking of cheap gin. He was dressed in tattered but garishly colorful clothing; bright yellow boots that had seen better days and a torn blue jacket, all stained and worn. He had a...
South Dakota Republican Congressman William (Wild Bill) Janklow was convicted on Monday, December 8 of 2nd Degree Manslaughter in the death of a 55 year old motorcyclist in August.
December 7, 2003 Newt Gingrich, former Speaker of the United States House of Representatives, stated that the Bush Administrations policy in Iraq had "gone off the cliff". Mr. Gingrich, who knows a great deal about going over cliffs, having done so h...
And now here's a sports update:...
Four Al Qaida Terrorists wearing flowing robes and keffiyahs were driving a rented Subaru Legacy Outback along a back road in Americas Catskill Mountains. They had a picture of Osama Bin Laden, you remember the one with Burt from the Muppets in the b...
My friend from up the street, who shall remain nameless so I won't get her in trouble for telling you this, her name is Linda Paglione, just moved up to this area full time after growing up in Brooklyn, NY. She started this past school year with...
On Thanksgiving morning I woke up, turned on CNN and was amazed to find out that George Bush had flown to Iraq for two and a half hours without any advance warning.
I recently caught sight of a news item that Steve Fossett is trying to get really high. In a glider I mean. You may remember that Mr. Fossett was the first moron to fly solo around the world in hot air balloon. Why is he a moron? Well, that's a good...
I'll be reporting on President Bush's trip to Great Britain as the days go on. Here is my first report:...
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