In a stunning twist on supply side economics, it was reported today that the price Iraqi's pay at the gas pump for a gallon of fuel was five cents. It may be remembered that several months ago Vice President Dick Cheney's company Halliburton was criticized for charging the United States $2.65 per gallon after purchasing fuel from neighboring countries at the rate of $1.71 per gallon and driving it four hundred miles into Iraq.
"I think this a very fair arrangement," Assistant Secretary of Defense Paul Wolfowitz was quoted as saying, "After all, the United States is getting a tax write off on the loss we're taking both in the purchase of the fuel at inflated prices, as well as another write on the loss at sale. We're writing off $5.20 a gallon on our taxes. That comes out to hundreds of millions were saving on our tax returns come April."
When it was pointed out to Mr. Wolfowitz that the United States government doesn't actually file a tax return nor pay taxes to itself, Mr. Wolfowitz responded, "What's your name? Expect a call from Homeland Security, you freak."
In other news, the Pentagon has indicated that it will not allow Canada, France and Germany to bid on Iraq rebuilding contracts, citing the need to get revenge on any country that does not support the United States goal of ruling the world. In addition to rubbing America's traditional Allies face in it, Deputy Defense Secretary Paul Wolfowitz also cited security concerns.
Mr. Wolfowitz said, "The last thing we need in a war zone is a bunch of Chardonnay swilling Frogs or schnitzel eating Krauts, let alone Canucks. I mean, after all what do France and Germany know about war zones? And Canadians...they're just too nice and polite. Their civility could very well have a negative impact on the Iraqi people. Now the Italians and Spanish, those guys know about fighting a war. Just look at WWII. What did France, Germany and Canada do? Nada, nothing, zip, that's what. It was Italy and Spain that won that war. That's the kind of fighting spirit we need in Iraq."
When it was pointed out to Mr. Wolfowitz that Spain remained neutral and Italy surrendered about fifteen minutes after the first landing craft hit the beaches in WWII, Mr. Wolfowitz exclaimed, "That's old news! Who's talking about what happened sixty years ago? Not me. Look, the point is....the point is... ah, skip it. We're America and just don't cross us or you'll be in big trouble buster."
