Madrid, Spain (it's Real!): Cristiano Ronaldo, soccer super-star, pompous, self righteous, multi-millionaire prima-donna is to retire from soccer because he's sad! The reasons behind his sadness have nothing to do with his vast wealth or lack of s...
MINNEAPOLIS - The city council of Minneapolis, Minnesota has just announced that it has reduced the town's unemployment percent all the way down to zero. Council member Delta Joan Muscaretello spoke with an assembled throng of reporters and she re...
It was announced, yesterday, that Manchester United have signed the 14th century artist Raphael Sanzio from FC Munchen Gladbach for an undisclosed sum. Rover's manager Fergus Alexson was said to be delighted with the team's new acquisition, having...
Ireland's peak terrorist organisation, the Irish Republican Army, has been severely damaged by recent changes in the country's electoral laws. The Irish parliament, this week, passed an amendment to electoral laws, removing state funding from poli...
NEW YORK CITY - Katie Holmes, 33, says that she hasn't been as happy as she is now since she was a little girl growing up in Toledo, Ohio, and she first discovered chocolate ice cream cones. The soon-to-be-ex-wife of Tom Cruise, 50, told Ashburn W...
Washington DC - Your money isn't good here anymore. A new ruling by the Federal Reserve prohibits Americans from "owning, possessing or utilizing" money, in any shape or form, under the threat of life imprisonment. The prohibition is at the heart...
Insults were flying thick and fast on the set of Wonga.com today as directors Betty, Joyce and Earl were recording their latest advertisement. "Things were getting very heated between Betty and Joyce" said an insider who wished to remain anonymous...
Kevin Smalley, 48, a clerk at Natleys Bank has been dismissed from his job after a senior manager discovered that he had lent £10 to a fellow employee. The reciprocant of the loan, Wendy Smidgin, a sales counter assistant at the same branch, had m...
An elderly Saddleworth couple were counting the cost of an investment that went badly wrong for them. Eric Stoat (84) and his wife Doris (87) had seen an advertisement on the Internet for a company that was selling acres of the Moon to individual inv...
Athens - Greece has voted to print the Euro locally. According to our source, Mr. Pimpleonhishass, head of the Greek bank, the measure adopted will have Greece create money out of nothing. Greece will not return to the Drachma, but continue with the...
Many people, including politicians Barack Obama and Mitt Romney, author/activists Charles Ferguson and Noam Chomsky, and economists Larry Summers and Raghuram Rajan, have weighed in on (or denied) the fraud, political manipulations and criminal wrong...
ATHENS - The birthplace of democracy has spawned an even more useful invention: a replacement for the Euro. New smart phones will empower Greeks to issue credit on their smart phones from nothing, just like the big German banks do it. Now, accor...
The Red Devils of Manchester left their satanic powers behind them last night and deserved to get "Blue-n" away. But every red cloud has a silver (second position) lining: They not only lost the one title last night, they lost the other one too. "Bri...
Bank of America CEO Brian Moynihan is grateful and proud to be part of the 1% that possess nearly all of the nation's wealth. Nevertheless, Moynihan hasn't forgotten about the 99% who aren't quite so fortunate - far from it. "I've been blessed," h...
The United States Bureau of Labor has reported that for the first time in the past 6 years, unemployment rates have dropped a statistically remarkable 3%, with a corresponding 3% increase in levels of wage slavery. According to President Obama, th...
Moolah.web is set to continue their slow crucifixion of the poor with a mortgage product aimed specifically at "The desperate and gullible." Director Jacob Pretzelwitz was typically frank about the application process. "If they let us through the...
To the shock and horror of its millions of customers worldwide, Bank of America filed for Chapter 7 bankruptcy after President and CEO Brian Moynihan signed a blank check for an innocent-looking eight-year-old girl named Katrina Darling. A mortifi...
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