Larry King of Montana experienced one of the most painful ailments that any man could wish for--or not wish for, depending on whether said man is a masochist. He experienced a snake-bit scrotum when he squatted down to relieve himself in the woods.
Scientists in the High Plains of America have discovered that the human family tree has many more branches and tangles than previously thought. DNA analysis from a group of humans heavier than Robustus, stouter than Australopithecus,-- and with more...
JACKSON, Mississippi - The state of Mississippi is proud to disclose that it has just passed a vote in the Mississippi State Senate making The McDonald's Big Mac the official state food. Senator Roy LeRoy Witchboro [R-Pascagoula] commented that th...
BURBANK - Jay Leno, the host of The Tonight Show has pretty much always been a guy who keeps to himself, his wife, and his extensive automobile and motorcycle collection. But Leno recently confided to his good friend Pico de Gallo with Tittle Tatt...
DOVER, Delaware - Senator Preston Wybinski [R-Dover] has just become one of the state's most hated individuals. The senator introduced a bill that would ban any homeless people from residing within the state. The senator was asked by American S...
PLANO, Texas - Retail giant J.C. Penney, which is headquarted in Plano, Texas has just announced a big corporate merger. Penney's will be merging with the Denny's restaurant chain to form a new corporation which is being called Denny Penney's.
NORFOLK, Virginia - Snails have been around just about as long as flies, spiders, and pill bugs, but unlike those three insects the number of snails has decreased by 37 percent in just the past three years. Insect experts state that this is due to...
In Raleigh, North Carolina, Merab Morgan pulled off something astonishing by losing 37 pounds on a diet based solely on McDonald's food. She said, "I thought it's to the birds with one stone - to lose weight and prove a point for the little fat p...
BALTIMORE - Dee Dee Snuggatelli is an English school teacher in the Baltimore School District. She said that in her 7 year teaching career she has pretty much heard and seen it all. She told a local newspaper reporter that a few days ago she wa...
BEVERLY HILLS - Paris Hilton, the Tinsel Town celebutante who is famous for doing nothing has just stated that she has lost $200,000 in a business deal that she was told was the greatest thing since sliced bread. Hilton speaking with Savannah Kett...
"Before Citizens United," mused patriotic, all-American (outsourcing aside) corporation Corp. Inc., "I didn't have a great sense of who I really was. I didn't want to be all business, all the time. Now I don't have to be. I'm a person." A little b...
TAMPA, Florida - The executives of The Outback Steakhouse had their semi-annual meeting in Tampa and decided to make a big corporate change. Board of directors member Cassiopeia Snapstickler, 51, stated that four of the eight board members present...
A man has suffered severe facial deformities after inventing a new type of prune. 'GM foods are becoming more and more popular, but this is one example we should not dismiss.' Benit Row of the food safety commission. 'I've never seen anything...
A man is seeking to sue "Lions Gate Entertainment" , the producers of the "Hunger Games" film series. He is citing the title as very misleading. "I thought it was a how to video," states Stu Pidummass. Apparently Mr. Pidummass thought it was a...
MIAMI - A spokesperson for the Miami Dolphins has confirmed reports that Richie Incognito, a starting safety has been suspended by the team due to a lunchroom incident. According to an eyewitness, who did not want his name or his jersey number rev...
Brussells, Belgium. Members of a twelfth century religious sect, known as The Eternity Cult, have written a 19 page letter to the Belgian Prime Minister indicating that life on earth will end in approximately 142 days unless world leaders impress on...
PHILADELPHIA--A recent study shows that over-eating may be one of the leading causes of obesity in Americans age 9-72. The Foundation for American Thickness Today and Yesterday (FATTY) issued the report last week, detailing the findings of their y...
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