A crisis bigger than global climate warming is rumoured to be troubling the scientific community. The massive increase in the number of vast wind generators is now thought to be slowing down the rotation of our earth. "I don't need to tell you...
The nursing profession was today in crisis after revelations that biscuit consumption has surpassed "danger" and is now at "crisis" level In a report issued today, it has been revealed that the mean estimated hip size of nurses is now a worrying 6...
Fears that Tiger's recent naughtiness would dent his earnings proved unfounded when his details of latest sponsorship deals emerged this week. National Windshield Replacement Services are amongst the new deals, along with Band Aid makers Johnson a...
It's known as "Twatter" the latest internet sensation. Unashmedly based on the old hat "Twitter", the site boasts a membership of 20 billion already, and growing at half a million a day. As founders Daniel Althat and Sean Bag o'Chips explained, "W...
The MJ death mystery took a bizzare and mysterious turn today when it was revealed that a small white hatchback had been seen in the vicinity of Jacksons home in the days preceding his demise. Rumours are rife that the hatchback is eerily similar...
Michael Jackson aged 43 + VAT today confirmed that he would indeed be appearing in London for his planned 50 concerts. Challenged that he was in fact "dead" Jackson squeekily protested that on the contrary, he was merely resting in his cave with a...
In a bizzare move obviously fueled by party pills, desperation and red wine, an alliance has been announced between FIAT and Chrysler. Spokesman for Chrysler Larry Dork (jnr) said "What the hell, Chrysler is f**cked, Mercedes didn't want us, so wh...
Celebrity shagaholic and bit of a cook, Gordon Ramsey is in the news again today for trying to shag around with HM Inland Revenue. Modest and soft spoken "Ramrod" so dubbed for his alleged romantic attributes, is facing court action after his fath...
In a move designed to promote health and hygeine the EU have announced that from April 2009 all toilet paper will be printed with instructions urging users to fit toilet paper so that it rolls off the FRONT of the roll rather than the back. Spoke...
Following the sucessful extension of 2009 by 1 second to bring clocks into line with the earth's rotation, G.20 the world's top 20 economic powers have decided to extend the 1st quarter of 2009 to April 14th. Economists realised that the 1 second...
This year's miracle seller has literally risen from the dead this season and broken all sales records. The Jesus doll, long considered somewhat naff and tacky, has been reincarnated for 2008 Christmas with a new look and a suite of miracle accesso...
A series of what are decribed as "mild" initiatives are tipped to reach the statute book early next year. With a view to making it more difficult to aquire cigarettes, the following are likely to enter the statute book. Cigarettes will only be...
Icequeen and legendary misery, Vicky Becks has undergone radical surgery since deciding a smile would flog more frocks. The radical procedure which has put Vikky in the Sac-harin insecurity wing of the Disney rehab. facility for 5 weeks has result...
In a new employment initiative announced yesterday the UK government announced that it is to set up a chain of 200 recruitment agencies. The recruiters will recruit more recruiters for more recruitment agencies until there is a recruitment agency...
In a complete about face, unusual in politics, the Chancellor, Alistair Darling yesterday urged the nation, "Go on!, Get back on the Fags and Booze!" Worried by a huge fall in revenue and the need to top up the tax coffers, the gov't has overuled...
Unbelievable, but since Iraqi TV began showing "Coronation St" 6 months ago, violence has decreased by 87% on the streets of Iraq. Where force and diplomacy have failed, "Our Ken" and the cast of "Coro" have had a huge impact on the situation in t...
After several days of uncertainty, Claus plc. was today in the hands of receivers D'Toilette and Down. The UK institution with it's iconic Father Christmas brand appears to be well and truly stuffed. Dating back to the 1920's Claus was set up in the...
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