Michael Jackson aged 43 + VAT today confirmed that he would indeed be appearing in London for his planned 50 concerts.
Challenged that he was in fact "dead" Jackson squeekily protested that on the contrary, he was merely resting in his cave with a large rock blocking the entrance, and he had been dead anyway since 1996 after an incident when he got too close to a coffee pot and melted.
Sales of MJ memoribility plummeted on the news.
Riots broke out at Neverland as rival believers and non-believers threw down white gloves and challenged for dance-offs.
Elvis was unavailable for comment.