(NOT EDITED) Huge supermarket chains, Sainsbury's and Tesco are claiming: "This could end up in food shortages if our government doesn't move its fat butt!" In contrary the Brit PM has claimed: "Pas de problème,” "I have had a lovely chat with Pre…
Dear Constituents What a hectic week and it's only Wednesday. My theme today is Europe and so my Newsletter is full of complicated statistics that might only be full appreciated by my constituents with a decent education. So, for the majority of you (and that includes that upstart who thinks he's in with a chance to take over from me at the next election) I'll try to simplify things.
High street book retailer, Waterstone's, have announced that they will be dropping the apostrophe from their name. "In the internet age," said Walter Stone (no relation), PR spokeswoman for the company, "an apostrophe causes confusion and is quite...
Protesters against the expansion of the supermarket giant Tesbury's have struck in Manchester with a cash-back scam that has left the national chain of grocery stores fuming. "We're very disappointed," said Tesbury's managing director Tessa Coe. "...
A suicide bomber disguised as a Sainsbury's coffee machine cleaner secretly planted a device at their supermarket in Farnsborough, UK today. He actually wanted to be blown up with the coffee machine, but a waitress spotted him behaving suspiciousl...
Sainsburys has been criticised after several people were hurt when they drank coffee from an instore drinks machine, it has been reported. Fifty-five shoppers had decided to take a break from the rigours of shopping, and plumped for a drink of cof...
Following the revelation from Sainsbury's that Pollack is to be renamed 'Colin' as people were embarrassed to ask for it at the fish counter, further seafood products are to be renamed following complaints from various consumer groups. Sainsbury's...
War broke today in Britain, as the huge forces of Sainsbury's and Tesco clashed in battles in Sheffield and London, and skirmishes also broke out across the United Kingdom in towns and even in villages. 'We could not tolerate Tesco's threat any lo...
A superstore giant today unveiled its attempts to save the planet. With the British Government indicating that if the supermarkets do not control the number of plastic bags in circulation, then they will act, the supermarket chain has responded by pu...
It was revealed today that the paramilitary wing of the Sainsbury's Local chain had begun moving into Tesco's Metro held territories in North London. The Sainsbury's Local Assault Group, (SLAG), had succesfully attacked a Tesco Metro in Camden.
Gordon Ramsay has pooh-poohed one of the big four supermarkets over its recent "feed your family for a fiver" promotion. The supermarket claims that for five pounds you can buy some sausages, sweet potatatos, brocolli and make a right mixture to f...
Harry Van Dieselgaspetrol, a driver for the internet home shopping delivery service operated by a top supermarket, is suing the supermarket over their work practices. A writ has been issued today to the Cheshunt head office of the retail giant by...
Sainsbury's, the well-known purveyor of groceries, electrical items, clothes and insurance, has cancelled its online shopping arm due to technical difficulties, and has offered subscribing shoppers a one-off £10 compensat...
Announcing 200 first quarter profits of £142 billion + WAT (Welsh Added Tax), supermarket giant Sainsburys claim they have achieved this profit despite having increased food prices by only 2% during the period.
Whitehall, SWi - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): MI6's favorite recreational drug is the adrenaline that soars through spooks' brains as they corrall and haul in badass dodgy Arab sheikhs on whirlwind shopping sprees buying up stolen assets from the B...
Following complaints from a large number of customers, supermarket giants Sainsbury's have decided to take the unprecedented step of banning pensioners from all of their superstores on Saturdays.
Sainsbury family "gutted" as Qatar royal family push meat prices to all time high.
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