Courtroom Granny Witness

Submitted by Inchcock

Wednesday, 7 July 2010

The solicitor called his first witness to the stand in a trial - a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Yes, I do know you Mr. Hague. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs, and you watch pornography on your mobile phone. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realise you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher, and you visit prostitutes. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defence lawyer Mr Cameron?"

She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Cameron since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire country, and he visits male prostitutes. Yes, I know him."

At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counsellors to the bench. In a very quiet hushed voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be in jail within 3 minutes!"


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