How do you tell the difference between Democrats, Republicans and
Southern Republicans?
The answer can be found by posing the following problem:
You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small
children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges.
You are carrying a Glock and you are an expert shot. You have mere
seconds before he reaches you and your family.
What do you do?
Democrat's Answer:
* Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
* Does the man look poor or oppressed?
* Is he simply the victim of a vast right-wing conspiracy?
* Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
* Could we run away?
* What does my wife think?
* What about the kids?
* Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife
out of his hand?
* What does the law say about this situation?
* Does the Glock have an appropriate safety built into it?
* Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message
does this send to society and to my children?
* Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
* Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
* If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get
away while he was stabbing me?
* Should I call 9-1-1?
* Why is this street so deserted?
* We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this
a happier, healthier street that would discourage such
behavior.
* This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some
friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.
Republican's Answer:
* BANG!
Southern Republican's Answer:
* BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
* Click. (sounds of reloading).
* BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
* Click.
* Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy!"
