Olympic Scoring

Submitted by IN SEINE

Saturday, 6 February 2010

It is the Olympic men's figure skating. Out comes the Russian competitor he skates around to some classical music in a slightly dull costume performs some excellent leaps but with out any great artistic feel for the music.

The Judges' scores read:

Britain 5.8
Russia 5.9
United States 5.5
Ireland 6.0

Next comes the American competitor in a sparkling stars and stripes costume, skating to some rock and roll music. He gets the crowd clapping , but technically not so good as the Russian slightly miss-landing a triple Salchow and losing the centre during a spin. But Artistically a more satisfying performance.

The Judges' scores read:

Britain 5.8
Russia 5.5
United States 5.9
Ireland 6.0

Finally out comes the Irish competitor wearing a tatty old donkey jacket, with his skates tied over his wellies. He reaches the ice trips straight away and bangs his nose which starts bleeding. Tries to get up staggers a few paces then slips again. Spends his entire 'routine' getting up then slipping over again. Finally he crawls off the ice a tatty and bleeding mess.

The Judges' scores read:

Britain 0.0
Russia 0.0
United States 0.0
Ireland 6.0

The other 3 judges turn to the Irish judge and demand in unison "How the hell can you give that mess 6.0"

To which the Irish judge replies "You've got to remember, it's damn slippery out there"

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