A very loud, fat, greasy, unattractive, chav type woman wearing a Newcastle United top walked into ASDA in Bishop Auckland with her two oompalumpa kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
Sylvia, the ASDA Greeter, said pleasantly, 'Good morning Madam, and welcome to ASDA. Nice children you have there. Are they twins by any chance?'
The ugly fat trout stopped yelling long enough to say, 'Whye na, they're not twins yer fuckin twat. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7. Why the 'ell would you think they're fuckin twins? Are you blind, thick, stupid or just a cheese eater?'
'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Madam,' replied the greeter, 'I just couldn't believe you've been shagged twice.'
'Have a good day, and thank you for shopping at ASDA'