I think it would be great to have a trained pet monkey. I'd say, "Hey monkey, run down to Joe's Bar and grab me a big mug of beer" and he'd go down to the bar and everyone would say, "Hey, here come that drunken monkey again!". Then they'd all buy him a beer and he'd bring it up here to me. Of course, we'd be buddies too so I'd give him a little of the beer to sip. I bet that would keep me from having such a big bar bill. Also, they'd all quit calling ME the drunken monkey.