A bloke goes into a chemist's...
"Excuse me," says the man. "Have you got any half millimeter condoms?"
"That would only fit a mouse," says the chemist.
"I know," replies the man. "The fuckin house is over-run with them."
A duck hires a hotel room with his girlfriend.
He realises he has no condoms, so he rings down to reception
and asks if they can sell him one.
"Putting it on your bill sir?" asks the receptionist.
"What do you think I am, a fucking pervert?" shouts the duck.