Trump Impeachment Defense Lawyer Jokes

Submitted by rfreed

Friday, 31 January 2020

Why won't white sharks eat impeachment defense lawyers when they go swimming?
A: They are the same skin color.
B: They are both in the same profession.
C: Trump lawyers leave a rancid aftertaste in their mouths.

How many impeachment defense lawyers does it take to win a trial?
One to twist the statements made by the Democratic lawyers, one to come up with a half truth that seems plausible enough, two to repeat this half truth incessantly until people believe it as a full truth, one to besmirch and belittle any Democrats who are accusing them or offering testimony, one to lead listeners down another path away from the main topics, one to chide any rebuttals to the half-truth and one to report the days progress to Herr Trump and get his head patted.

To what religious affiliation do most impeachment lawyers belong?
To the First Church of the Apostle Judas.

What were impeachment lawyers in their past lives that gave them such amazing talents in this life?
A. Pinocchio's understudy. B. Caligula's stand in. C. A scout for Genghis Khan D. Torture machine inventor for the Inquisition. E. McCarthy's intern during his anti-Communist campaign F. Enforcer during the formulation of the caste system in India. G. Nero's fiddle notes holder.

What after school work did impeachment lawyers do as teenagers?
A. Castrating bulls with their bare hands. B. Autopsy waste disposal. C. Fact-checking writings to make sure there WASN”T anything true in them. D. Trump's golf caddy.

What do impeachment lawyers drink and eat during their breaks on the impeachment hearings to keep themselves sharp and combative?
Battery acid, saltpeter, Starbucks Triple Espresso Latte and raw cow.

Why are environmentalists protesting outside Congress during the hearings?
Because of the amount of carbons being put into the atmosphere from all the flatulent hot air being created there.

Why did Satan create a separate hell for impeachment defense lawyers?
He didn't want them being a bad influence on the regular residents.

Why are impeachment defense lawyers forbidden to donate blood for transfusions?
Because, without fail, the receivers go into toxic shock.

How did the impeachment defense lawyer get into heaven?
He convinced God that killing his wife wasn't really a crime.

How many impeachment defense lawyers would it take to run a country?
One to convince the working class that they were there for them.
One to convince them to pay their wages through their taxes.
One to pick other people than themselves to go into the military to defend the country.
One to come up with catchy slogans to make them look good and any one who opposes them bad.
One to set up offshore hidden slush funds.
One to campaign tirelessly even when there isn't an election near.
One to put on pompous speeches.
One to write misconception laden speeches.
One to read the speeches without so much as blinking an eye at its miss-truths.
One to convince voters they were making America better (Of course while wearing a MAGA cap).
One to make sure everyone else is staying in line.......or else!

Why will they not bury impeachment lawyers in a regular cemetery?
The EPA has declared them a toxic substance that might leak out of the coffin.

What do you do if you are bitten by a impeachment defense lawyer?
Chase after him and get your arm back.

Why do impeachment lawyers not like to smile?
It exposes their fangs.

Why can't lawyers go shopping at a regular shoe store?
They don't have anything that fits cloven hoofs.

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