The rookie writer stayed up late and awoke early, spending all her waking time working on news stories for The Spoof. To stay awake and to replenish the energy she used up at a rapid clip, the young writer consumed enormous amounts of a particular carbonated drink. Eventually, the lack of sleep and the over-indulgence of those cold drinks caught up with her. In the middle of the night she had to go to urgent care with an enormous pain in her lower abdomen..
The Doc ran tests and inquired about her diet. He was especially concerned about the carbonated drink, which she consumed frequently and was always the same brand. At last, he reached a conclusion and informed her of his diagnosis.
"The problem is in your colon and it's due to your over-dependence on a liquid energy diet. You've got Pepsi-colon.