The Widow Fitzpatrick

Submitted by Stefano M. Stefano

Saturday, 21 April 2018

A widow walks into a newspaper to have her recently-deceased husband's obituary printed in the paper.

"His name was William Bruce Fitzpatrick and he was 75 years old," she tells the editor proudly. "Here's my obituary for him. I wanted to say so much, but I narrowed it down to this."

She hands the editor a paper, he reads it, and he tells her, "Very well, Mrs. Fitzpatrick. That'll be fifty-five dollars."

"Fifty five?!" she exclaims. "Oh, my! That's much more than I expected it would cost!"

"Well, we charge one dollar per word. Initials are free, however. How much can you afford?"

She tells him that all she has in her purse is three dollars and fifty cents. With a sad expression she fills out the form again, writing simply, 'J. B. Fitzpatrick has died'. Feeling sorry for the little old lady, he tells her,

"I really shouldn't do this, but I'll let you add some more words. As many as you want. You can even capitalize some words, if you want."

"Oh, thank you, sir! You're very kind!" the widow beams, and creates a new obituary.

The next day, the obit in the newspaper read,
'J. B. Fitzpatrick has died. BOAT FOR SALE!'

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more